Good news, bad news:

The good news is that my elbow is feeling much better. I'm now taking Advil sparingly (unlike the copious amounts that I was taking before) and I am using it a lot more. Probably, still, more than I'm supposed to. But then again, I've always had the problem of not taking care of myself completely.

Bad news time: The insomnia is back in full force. It's almost three in the morning and I'm listening to classical music. Wide awake. Not good.

There's a perfectly good reason why. I miss my friend like mad. I could tell her everything and since we've been apart, there's no one else that I've been that close to. Sure, there's my sister, but we speak maybe once a month. There's a lot I've got bottled up that I would love to tell her, but I can't. I wish I could, but I can't.

I wonder if she's missing me, too.

The Elusive Sandman

As you can tell from the time of this post, sleep is once again evading me. I just finished emailing Jenna, a friend of mine in Tennessee and I realized that even after the long day that I had, I"m not the least bit tired.

Speaking of which, all things considered, I had a very good Friday the 13th. I was very successful in my endeavours and I accomplished much. The day was gorgeous, albeit humid, and I spent much of it outdoors. It even started off with some rain, which this region has been needing. Today was a good day.

Anyway, back on topic. It's not that I don't know the cause of this. It's just that everyone is sick and tired of me talking about it. Which leaves me with no outlet to vent, and thus I internalize it and lose sleep over it. The more I internalize, the less sleep I get.

There is good news, though. I had the best sleep in probably years when I went on my vacation. I focused on my needs and the needs of the munchkin and I slept like the proverbial baby. Not a real baby, who wakes up screaming every couple hours, but the proverbial baby. That, and the mattress I was sleeping on was one of the most comfortable ones I have ever slept on.

Anyway, I better go now. I'm starting to feel drowsy and I want to take full advantage of it. Sleep well, if you can, and take care of yourselves out there.

Can't sleep

As you can tell by the time that I'm posting this, my insomnia is back in full force. I can't shut my mind off, no matter how hard I try. With the massive stress of a new job, I just can't unwind at night. My mind keeps going over past mistakes, both job related and otherwise. I hate it when this happens.

The last time this happened was last summer. I had just started college and work was being, how should I say, difficult. I had also just found out (which I think was what triggered it in the first place) that someone I had loved dearly had gotten married. Obviously not to me. It went on for literally months until my life (and job) started to calm down and an old friend from high school came back into my life.

What was the trigger this time? New job. At least, that's my best guess. Oh sure, I have some other massive stress related issues; but for me to suddenly start to loose sleep, it's got to be the new job. Then again, it might be something else altogether.

I know what I said earlier, about how much I love it there at Starbucks. What I don't believe I mentioned was how everything is on the go. From the time you start on to the time you clock out, you are constantly moving. On top of it all, I have caught several coworkers talking about me behind my back. I know I'm the new guy, but could you at least wait until I'm not there to talk about me.

So I have the big pressure of learning everything and failing miserably on somethings hanging over my head; on top of home issues that I'm not going to get into; and on top of it all, the one person who I would love to tell about all this, the very person who I used to be able to tell anything to and talk for hours about everthing and anything, I no longer can. I miss this person deeply and there seems to be nothing I can do to bring this person back.

Thus, I go without sleep-again. I get to have my nerves frayed-again. I am going out of my mind and there is nothing I can do about it.