Hello, old friends. First off, my sincerest apologies as to the upkeep of this blog. It's been, as you are all well aware, quite a long while since I have posted last. If you have stuck around, consider me both incredibly flattered and impressed.

So, you're probably wondering what is new with me. Lots, is the most simple answer. To be honest, I cannot even remember the last time I posted, so I'm not exactly sure where to begin. I guess we will go with the most recent news and move our way back. In fact, I am going to be telling you something that I haven't told my own family:

I have bad news. A few weeks back (no further, I promise) I found two lumps on the back of my neck. The one off to the side is most likely just a mole that is growing; but the other one is at the back of my neck, where I know my brain stem is. This is the one that is sensitive to applied pressure-i.e. a pillow. It has also given me headaches on a number of occasions; such as the one I am having now.

Now, I know what you're wondering. What has the doctor said about this? To be completely honest: I don't know. I have yet to actually visit a doctor about it, primarily because of what he or she might say. The other reason is that if it truly is what I fear it is; well, there's nothing modern science can do about it anyway, due to it's location.

There is also the strong possibility that one or both of them are cysts. If you have followed this blog in the past, I have mentioned that I have one (or a cluster-still not sure which) on my right kidney. That one only bothers me know when I'm dehydrated, or just need to flush my kidneys. If that is the case, then, well, there's nothing I can do about it, due to its location.

Why have I chosen here to make this known. Well, because, I honestly don't know who is reading this right now, and anonymity is actually comforting. Like I said-I'm genuinely scared right now, and if someone I know starts freaking out about it as well, it's only going to be worse for me. Call it the easy way out, if you will. Second is that there is a slim chance that some doctor or scientist will read this and know of a cure for whatever I am experiencing. One of the advantages of the internets.

So, actually, I'll just have this as my post for today. In closing I promise two things: number one, I will go see a doctor, and number two, I will post more often. I hope all is well with you all.

Take care.

That was quick

So, first off, sorry I haven't been on here to post lately. I'm trying to figure out where exactly February went. One minute it was here...

Anyway, busy month. First, I got a new cellphone, but was able to keep my old number. That's a good thing. Second, for a week there, my laptop was fixed. Then it started copping an attitude again. Moral of the story-need new computer.

I joined twitter this month. For those who are not in the know, it's basically soundbites for your life. I do 90% of these through my cell, which is a nice feature to have. When I figure out how, I will put it on here. If you know how, please let me know.

I spent Valentine's Day (or Singles Awareness Day as I have dubbed it) working; but I'm not complaining. That's basically how I wanted to do it.

This last week has been a complete whirlwind. It started on Sunday when I went to an Oscar party at a friend's apartment and partook in much too much liqueur. The end result was a wicked night for me in which it felt like my belly was full of worms and I wanted desperately to throw up, but could not. But on the plus side, Heath Ledger won Best Supporting Actor. Monday was a quiet, but agonizing day. Tuesday, was Mardi Gras.

Yes, Mardi Gras. I had the day off, which I basically spent waiting around for my check to arrive (long story) and then getting minutes on my phone. Bad thing about twitter is it tends to absorb minutes. In the evening, I went to my cousin's apartment and hung out for a bit. I left when I was feeling tired, but when the cold air hit me, I was wide awake again. So, I headed to Seattle, where, I ran into someone I definitely wasn't expecting to run into. It was a male friend of mine who I thought would be at home. He was there with a friend and they persuaded me to go to a club.

Now, before then, I had never been to a club before. Bars, yes, parties, yes, clubs, not so much. And this was a night in which I saw things I had never seen before-up close and personal. Things that are etched (or seared) in my memory for some time to come. But there was a lot of good things that happened as well. And if I had the time, I would tell you.

So, yes, I must run again.

Take care,
Jeremy

So long, 2008!

Or, better yet, piss off. I have not had a good year. I have not had a decent year. This year, in fact, sucked hard. And I am not alone in this. In fact, I can't think of a single person who did have a good year. Can you?

I don't feel like rehashing all the crap that's happened, so, if you feel so inclined, feel free to read my previous posts on here. I will, however, recap December; since I haven't had the opportunity to get on here until now. It began with my grandmother's funeral. Having family here was nice, especially for Thanksgiving, but it was hard as well.

Then came the weather, and the weather definitely came. Wind, rain, temperatures in the 20s, snow, snow, and, um, yeah, more snow. Washington doesn't see much of the white stuff in December, unless you go to the mountains. But down here at sea level saw at least a foot of it, even more so in most places. The upside is that we actually had a genuine, white Christmas this year. The downsides were slipping all over the place when it would convert to ice and idiot drivers not driving for the conditions, not to mention the cabin fever we all have been feeling.

Speaking of Christmas-was anyone actually prepared for it? I wasn't-though I didn't feel like celebrating anyway. Add to it the drastic weather and people were down each others' throats. You probably heard about the stampede at a Walmart on Black Friday. That should give you the state of mind of most consumers this year. Do people not realize that Christmas does come every year?

I know this post is not exactly happy and joyful. There is some stuff that I am quite grateful for. My friends and family who have rallied around us during this dark period. Especially those who keep checking up on me. Your efforts are greatly appreciated. And I am looking forward to next year, if only for the opportunity for a fresh start. I have already made my resolutions, and this time, they are actually quite reasonable. I'm even contemplating participating in a annual writer's contest next November. If I can. We'll see.

Anywho-here's to next year. I hope it's better than this year. It has to be. Right?

You have no idea how glad I am that this election season is finally over. It is the first time, at least as far as I can remember, where the political parties were more venomous than the actual candidates themselves. Well, as far as the presidential election goes. The governor's race is a whole 'nother bag of chips...

Yes, once again, I will be working the election as a poll worker. I honestly doubt that there will be the relaxed atmosphere that prevailed over the primary. I also expect it to be a mad house. I am still planning on bringing the entire Chronicles of Narnia with me, just in case. While my earlier optimism of being able to read them all in one day is completely gone, I do expect to get through more than half the books. I'm also planning on bringing an energy drink and food with me this time.

In other news, I didn't do anything on Halloween night. I was way too tired after work, and I had to open the next morning. That, and all the political talk in the air and on the airwaves, killed the mood.

Not much else is new. Well, no, I take that back. I got some big news on the 28th, but I am refraining from telling until around Thanksgiving.

Anyway, that's it for now. I hope to post again soon.

Take care,

Jeremy

Odds and ends

So, first off, I would like to announce that I have a new cell phone. I lost my old one about two months ago, and I was in the position Monday to get a new one. Not only is it a new phone, but a new service as well. I used to be a Cingular customer, but since the majority of the people I call are on the Sprint network, I decided to make the switch. It's a camera phone-something I've never had before. And I plan on joining Twitter, because, well, now I can.

Second, work is keeping me crazy busy. For the month of October, I have had a grand total of one day off a week (hence how I can afford a new phone) and I was informed a few days ago to expect more hours in November and December; what with the upcoming holiday season and the strong possibility that one of my coworkers will be quitting. So, if you are looking for a place that will be hiring, we definitely have an opening.

Health wise, well, could be better, could be worse. Last week, for most of the week, I had a massive kidney attack a day-not fun. It's since calmed down, and I deduced that it was just due to the fact that I hadn't been drinking a lot of water around that time. Something that I have begun to do again. I got over the cold quickly thanks to plenty of Airborne and sleep. And speaking of sleep, with my crazy schedule, I haven't had any insomnia problems at all.

I've been writing more. You may have read the poem I posted on here and I've been writing short stories for a big writer's competition put out by Writer's Digest. I decided to acrew at least a dozen of them before I begin submitting them.

My sister may or may not be flying out for Thanksgiving again this year. The deciding factors are the price of tickets (now that she has to pay for a seat for the munchkin) and whether or not her husband has any different plans. I only found out about that today, so when I know more, I will let you know.

Anyway, I think that's it for now. I hope to post again soon.

Take care,
Jeremy

The Cold and Flu Season is upon us.

Oh yes, it's that fun time of year for sniffling, sneezing, and all around achiness. Since I have been bombared with germs from customers, coworkers, friends, family, and random strangers, I too am partacking in the season.

Thankfully, it's just a cold. I normally get the flu this time of year, so I am definitely grateful for the downgraded version. I will be greatly surprised if I'm still sick, this time next week.

In other news, my mood has drastically improved this month so far. I made a goal to be as productive as I can this month; even if it's in little ways. I think that part of the problem with this year has been that I've been insanely busy, but rarely productive. I'm channeling and challenging myself and it seems to be working.

Also this month, I have been writing more. Already I have entered a short story contest through Writer's Digest and I hope to have more entries into a much larger contest that they are holding. It's been a while since I've written any poetry, so I might write some of that before the end of the month as well. If I do, and I like it, I will post it on here. So stay tuned.

Anyway, just a short post for now. I will write on here again soon.

Take care,
Jeremy

Wake me up, when September ends


Even though this is the first time that I have posted in September, it definitely is not the first time that I have been on here. Honestly, I have spent most of the month lacking either words to write or the desire to write them. Yet, with the end of the month drawing so close, I must post once more.


This has not been an easy month. No, strike that, this has been a typical month in an extremely difficult year. Turbulent, I believe, would be an appropriate term to describe 2008. It is most likely the one I will use, since no others spring to mind. Painful, trying, depressing; all very appropriate descriptions, but not as fitting as turbulent. And I hold no false hope as to redemption in the few months that remain.


Death has been an ever present subject on my mind; what with the potentially fatal accident (but thankfully not) that an aunt of mine was in at the beginning of the month and the five year anniversary of my Dad's death at the end of next month. Prayers of her recovery seem to be the only ones that God is hearing from me.


Finances, which have always been slim, definitely haven't been helped with continuing to receive doctor's bills. Finances have also kept me from getting tested as to the cause of the cyst(s) that also have been, well, a pain in my side. The lone light spot is the massive amounts of hours I am getting at work, which definitely help when I do receive the bills.

All is not lost though. The reason "turbulent" is so appropriate is that I have experiences sudden ups to the dramatic drops, very much like being in a plane in the middle of a thunderstorm (which I've done more times than I care for). My entire year has been very much like the seat-gripping-roller-coaster ride in the skies. There is no need to rehash, just read (or reread) everything that I have posted on here and realize that it is but a small fraction to what I have experienced.

Anyway, as I was say, I have a job that I love. I needed that year-and-a-half break from both the book environment and the standard retail environment to recharge my burnt out batteries. Food service is certainly not for me. On the same token, it also gives me more respect for those who not only can do it, but do. With the constant hours come the constant pay, which is putting me closer and closer to the black. Also, there is a good chance that I will be working with my former manager, although she only wants part-time low level work. It will be good to work with her again. She is but a fragment of my past that will keep me focused on the future.

A future that is ever unclear day by day. I once had the illusion of what paths each year would take. An illusion I lost five years ago and has been reiterated every day this year.

So, that is it for now. There is more to be said, but no time to say it. Maybe I will post again this month, but only time will tell.

August

Simply put, I don't have as much time on my hands as I used to. Hence why it has taken me so long to post a blog on here. Believe me, a lot has happened to keep me off of here.

I'll start with the fact that for almost a month, I had two jobs. I use the past tense, because I finally decided that the commute to Ben and Jerry's did not equate the hours or pay that I was receiving there. I knew it would be part time when I was hired, but I didn't fully realize the hassle and strain that it would create. I kid you not when I tell you that one day it took me three hours to get home, just because of traffic and such.

Speaking of working, for a brief period last week I had three jobs. The third one was training to become an election poll worker, which I will be doing tomorrow. Where I live, they pay you $125 for the day and there won't be much that you will be doing. I was told by everyone that I should bring plenty to read. The only snafu is that it's from six in the morning to after eight at night with only one hour lunch for a break. But still... If all goes well tomorrow, I will do it again in November.

The other job that I have is a Christian bookstore in the mall that I have worked in for in the past. In fact, there are times when this mall is my ball and chain. I thoroughly enjoy my job and I am picking up very quickly on the ins and outs of the job. My manager is impressed by how well that I'm doing.

The other bit of news that I have involves my kidney. For a while after my second opinion, I was pain free and feeling great. Then the dull aches came back and last Saturday night (not last night, but the week prior), I had another massive attack comparable to the one I had back in April. I told my sister (the eventual med student) this and she suspects that I might not have one cyst, but several. A cyst cluster, if you will. She thinks that the two attacks were, in fact, the cysts popping (which is a good thing-despite the pain) and that is why it didn't go away after the first attack.

Now, had I time, money, and insurance, I would have told you what the doctor has said. But the lack of these has prevented me from setting up any futher appointments in the near future. Speaking of doctors, one thing that I negected to mention was the fact that when I did have my previous opinions, neither one tested me for cancer. They just were trying to figure out what the lump on my kidney was and that's it. I am in no way saying that I have cancer-only that the next time I visit a doctor, I will insist that they test me.

Anywho, there's more news, but no more time for me to tell it. I hope all is well, and I hope to post again soon.

Take care,
Jeremy

Hurting

These past three weeks have been really hard on me. I've had great disappointments and sudden losses that have me questioning everything I thought I believed it. I guess the best way to start would be at the beginning.

So, as I mentioned, I tried attending Seattle International Film Festival. The event was sold out and I got thoroughly lost in Seattle just looking for it. No surprise there, considering I always get lost in Seattle. This I was more disappointed in, as I had been really looking forward to attending.

The next thing that happened was that I found out that one of my best friends will be moving to Papau New Guinea next year. She will be on a missions trip and she will possibly be there for good. While I am really excited that she will be having a dream of hers come true, I will miss her greatly.

The third thing to happen to me is that my new digital camera had disappeared. This is the same digital camera that I had on my trip to Texas, whichs still has photos of the trip on it. I honestly don't know whether it was stolen or I completely misplaced it. Either way, I have no clue as to where it could have gone and believe me when I say that I've searched everywhere for it. I even began to clean my room, which almost never happens.

The final blow is actuall two part. The first part-the major part-is that yesterday I lost my job at Poverty Bay. While I was admittedly having difficulties there, I loved that job and the people that I worked with. I enjoyed going into work and no matter how challenging the day was, I still enjoyed it. The owner (it's a mom and pop shop) was almost in tears when she let me go and told me that everyone there loved me as well. I ran into one of my old coworkers and she said that everyone is taking it as hard as I am. The second part to this is that when I posted a comment on one of my friends' myspace page, she responded by deleting me.

So here I am. I feel like I am about to slip into another deep bout of depression. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I honestly don't know who I can turn to. And the reason why I'm telling you all is that I know the very worst thing I could do is to keep this inside me.

I don't know.

I hope all of you out there are doing well. The biggest thing I need right now is a friend.

Home from the hospital

My grandmother is home from the hospital now. She's on a new antibiotic for the urinary tract infection and seems to be doing a lot better. She's more active, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. One thing that we will continue to struggle with is it keep her hydrated. She refuses to drink water, even when it means taking her pills. In fact, that may be the reason why she doesn't like to drink water.

I'm grateful for those who had us in your hearts and prayers. You're kind words were not lost; even if I was a bit out of it at the time and might not have acknowledged you. I admit that I haven't been as responsive to others as I should have. I am letting you know that I do appreciate you. Thank you.

If anything happens, good or bad, I will let you all know immediately. Or, you know, whenever I have the first chance to notify people.

Take care and I will post again soon.

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Well, sort of. I know it's tomorrow, but I'm not sure if I will be online then, so I decided to do it a day early. Let's see what's happened since I last blogged.

First off, the power charger on my laptop decided to melt down. Literally. I have since been looking for a new one that isn't going to cost me an arm and a leg. That was a while ago. Since then, getting online has been a hassle, to say the least. Which is why it's been a while since I've posted.

Second, I am in the middle of a career change. I am fed up with retail and have since applied and been interviewed (twice!) for a local bank. Much better hours, much better pay. The thing is is that I don't find out for another seven to ten days. Good times, let me tell you.

Third, I will be getting a car. I would say that I'm getting a new car, but since it was built in the early seventies, it's not so much new. This car used to be my Dad's and I found out from my mother that she is willing to give it to me soon. When she didn't say, just soon. This car is very important to me due to all the memories that are tied with it. It used to be, when I was still in school, that summer didn't start until I washed it for the first time. And now it's mine.

There is something else that is both new and good in my life, but I cannot divulge it at this time. Those who are aware of the situation both know what I'm talking about and why I can't announce it as of yet. But stay posted for when I can.

Anyway, I hope you stay well out there. Have a good weekend.