In Loving Memory

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me." (John 14:1)

There is no easy way to loose a loved one. The pain, at first unbearable, over time dims; but never goes away. The survivors are left with an invisible scar on their hearts. Years later, the tears still flow-although they fall less often.

The Lord welcomed Virginia Ghea into His promised mansion on November 25th. In the last half hour of her life, her troubled breathing calmed. Her passage from this life to the next one was a gentle one. On her walk with God here on Earth, the only time she saw Him was in His majestic creations and artists’ assumptions. Now she sees Him face to face as He welcomes home His good and faithful servant.

She was a Christian, not only in faith, but in works. Completely selfless-even when she could no longer take care of you, she still tried. She had a pure and gentle heart, with a smile that genuinely lit up the room. The eyes are the window of the soul, and hers were soft and caring.

Does this hurt? Yes. But while our suffering has just begun, her has come to an end. She is finally, truly, at peace.

Goodbye, Grandma. I miss you so. And I await your welcoming hug when the Lord calls me home.

I know I said that I wouldn't post until after I got back from vacation, but this is far too important. When I visited my grandmother last Sunday, it was obvious how much she has taken a turn for the worse.

She's not eating, doesn't recognize anyone other than her husband, and literally spends all day sleeping. I have never seen her this frail in my entire life. Definitely even more so than when she was in the hospital in February.

Even though the doctors haven't confirmed it, it's obvious that she's not going to make it until May. This means that even though I'm still going to Texas (believe me, the tickets are nonrefundable), doesn't mean that my heart and mind aren't going to be here. I'm just scared that I'm going to be over there when we "the " call. I don't want that. I want to be here when it happens. I want to be with her when she passes on.

If you pray, pray for us. I need a friend right now.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

First off, Happy Saint Patrick's Day. If you go out and celebrate, make sure there's a sober driver. After all, there's no point in celebrating if you're only going to wind up hurting yourself-or worse.

Second, time for some updates. I am now working at Poverty Bay Coffee Company, which is a whole lot closer to home. Even though I am currently a kitchen grunt, I have discovered I like being a kitchen grunt.

The interesting thing about my new job is that, not only am I the only male working there, but I am the first guy they've hired in two years. Let me tell you what an eye-opening experience it has turned out to be. What little I thought I knew about women barely even scratches the surface. It is by far the most intersting job that I have ever had.

Moving on to my grandmother. She is adjusting quite well to her new living arrangements. She's happy and the place she is at is really nice. Since I have been working my butt off, I haven't had much opportunity to visit her, but when I do, she's in good spirits.

Anyway, I will let you know more when I have more time.

Take care,
Jeremy

Good news!

I have a couple bits of good news. The first is that my grandmother is leaving Virginia Mason today and she is being moved to The Regency in Puyallup. It doesn't really come to anyone's surprise that she will never go home again. A sad fact, but that's the reality of life.

The second bit of good news is that I just had a job interview with Orion Marketing and they want me for a second interview. They deal mostly with the local sports teams.

Anyway, I have to run. I hope all is well.

Take care,
Jeremy

The Pain of Letting Go
Monday, February 25th, 2008

Softly you sleep
Where your dreams take you
I do not know
Perhaps to another day
Perhaps to another life
One less cruel than this.

The IV sustains you
Prolongs a long lived life
Keeping you in this realm
Preventing you from going
To your true home.

I miss you
Before you’re even gone
Your honest smile
Your voiced concerns
Your many stories
And untold memories

Your mind
This slides down the slope
To an empty void
Escalating speed with each passing day
With no hope of slowing down.

Goodbye, my grandmother
These collective tears are for you
These worried thoughts are of you
We all miss you
Before you are even gone.

My grandmother is in the hospital



It's been about a week since I've been online. The first reason is that my computer kicked the bucket finally, so I am only able to access the internet at the library.


The second reason is my grandmother. She has been in the hospital twice in the last week. The first time was for a very minor heart attack and she spent five long, restless hours in the ER at St. Francis. This was early Wednesday morning. She was completely restless the rest of the day.
Thursday evening she was incredibly weak. We had an extremely difficult time getting her into bed. I recommended that we let her get some sleep, hoping that that would take care of the problem. It didn't.


I woke up Friday morning and found the house empty and a note on the table saying she was back in the ER. When I arrived there, she was lifeless and in and out of consiousness; completely opposite from 48 hours earlier. I honestly thought we were going to loose her then and there. She spent most of the day there, barely there. We finally went home when they transfered her to Virginia Mason in the evening.

We were up there around eleven, Saturday morning. She was happy and animated and looking better than she had in literally years. We had a good long visit with her and the entire time we were there, she didn't fight with us or the staff at all. I thought, considering how things were going, that she would have been released today.

Sunday proved me wrong. When we got there, you could tell immediately that she hadn't had much sleep. The nurse said that she had fought with everyone and considering how frail she is, she was extremely strong. Twice she had successfully pulled out the IV. She had barely gotten any sleep and the nurses twice gave her a mild sedative that had no effect on her whatsoever. They also discovered that she has been pocketing her medications in her cheeks so it appears that she's taking them when she is actually not. We didn't stay as long as the day before, because we are barely sleeping, as well. The entire time we were there she was completely aggitated and we had to keep giving her Kleenexes to rip apart so she didn't rip out her IV. While she recognized everyone the day before, she now barely recognizes her own husband.

So, we are taking this day by day. It looks like she will be remaining in Virginia Mason at least through tomorrow. Admittedly, I'm barely hanging on. It's so hard to remain strong for everyone else when you're feeling weak and powerless. Most of the time I feel like I'm losing my own mind.

Anyway, that's what's going on in my life. Sorry this is such a downer post, but that's life right now. I hope to post again soon; hopefully with better news. Before I go, I would just like to mention that should you ever go to Virginia Mason, bring your own aspirin. Of all the places you would think to carry it; they don't. Go figure.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I open this blog with a question: How valuable is a memory? There are parts of my life that I wish I did not recall, but I am able to recall them nonetheless. Then there are parts of my life that I hope I will never forget and cherish those memories. Times when life was well spent.

My grandmother is in the advanced stages of dementia. Alzheimer's is one branch of the dementia tree; just to give you an idea. Reality to her is like walking through a forest in the fog. Every now and then you see a tree, but you have no bearings as to where you are going. She still has memories of life long ago, and often gets them mixed up with her life today. For example, she will ask when my grandfather is going to work when he has been retired for some time. She will just ask in the middle of the day when he will be going home and he will explain to her that he is home.

You read that she was hospitalized last week with dehydration and a severe urinary tract infection. The dementia is most likely the cause of this. The consulting nurse that I met today explained that to me. She said that while our minds tell us that we are thirsty and we automatically get a drink of water; her mind receives the message that her body needs water and the message gets lost in the cobwebs. Same with the infection. She literally forgot she needed to use the bathroom.

I used the title of the movie for the title for this post for a reason. If you have seen the movie, you watched as the main character slowly lost the memory of the woman he loved. He made this decision voluntarily, but as the movie went on, he clung to the fast fading memory. This is similar to what is going on in her mind, only at a faster pace.

How valuable is a memory? Because you never know when it will be gone forever.

Home from the hospital

My grandmother is home from the hospital now. She's on a new antibiotic for the urinary tract infection and seems to be doing a lot better. She's more active, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. One thing that we will continue to struggle with is it keep her hydrated. She refuses to drink water, even when it means taking her pills. In fact, that may be the reason why she doesn't like to drink water.

I'm grateful for those who had us in your hearts and prayers. You're kind words were not lost; even if I was a bit out of it at the time and might not have acknowledged you. I admit that I haven't been as responsive to others as I should have. I am letting you know that I do appreciate you. Thank you.

If anything happens, good or bad, I will let you all know immediately. Or, you know, whenever I have the first chance to notify people.

Take care and I will post again soon.

My grandmother is in the hospital

Today has been a very long day for me. I'm surviving on about four hours of sleep. And yet, I can't shut my brain off.

Yes, you read that right, my grandmother is in the hospital. It began about 4:30 this morning when my grandfather woke me to get my aunt's phone number. My grandmother could not stand. At all.

We waited for my aunt (who lives in Tacoma) while trying to figure out exactly what was wrong with her. She's not exactly a spring chicken. In fact, she's 85. She passed spring chicken a few decades ago.

So, my aunt gets here and we successfully move her from her bed to the couch so we could try to get some food, water, and pills in her. She went from semiconscious to completely unresponsive very quickly. All we were able to get in her was a couple bites of toast and a few sips of the coffee that I made. We didn't like the direction this took, so we got an ambulance. They literally arrived a minute later (I kid you not) and checked her vitals. They immediately diagnosed her with being severely dehydrated. They then rush her off to the hospital with us right behind them.

We were in the waiting room for five minutes before they told us where they put her. This hurry up-and-wait scenario would be the theme of the day. Especially the waiting part.

So anyway, she was in an emergency room for the rest of the morning and well into the afternoon while they ran a barrage of tests; including an x-ray, a CAT scan, and blood work. The diagnosis was that she had a urinary tract infection to go with her dehydration. Kind of a one-two punch that knocked her flat. Thankfully, the nurses in the ER were extremely attentive and made sure she was comfortable throughout it all.

That changed when she got a room. They decided to keep her overnight to observe her and to pump antibiotics into her throughout the night. The nurses here were, well, lax. That is other than one who looked like she was sick and tired of the others. We had made a comment when we first got the room that the catheter wasn't working out, but that wasn't removed until not long before we had to leave for the night and at one point it took them almost an hour just to get her a bedpan.

They are going to release her sometime tomorrow. It's supposed to be in the morning, but we'll see. I'm sorry if none of this makes sense, but I'm a bit rummy right now. Take care and I hope to post again on a lighter note.