Hello, old friends. First off, my sincerest apologies as to the upkeep of this blog. It's been, as you are all well aware, quite a long while since I have posted last. If you have stuck around, consider me both incredibly flattered and impressed.

So, you're probably wondering what is new with me. Lots, is the most simple answer. To be honest, I cannot even remember the last time I posted, so I'm not exactly sure where to begin. I guess we will go with the most recent news and move our way back. In fact, I am going to be telling you something that I haven't told my own family:

I have bad news. A few weeks back (no further, I promise) I found two lumps on the back of my neck. The one off to the side is most likely just a mole that is growing; but the other one is at the back of my neck, where I know my brain stem is. This is the one that is sensitive to applied pressure-i.e. a pillow. It has also given me headaches on a number of occasions; such as the one I am having now.

Now, I know what you're wondering. What has the doctor said about this? To be completely honest: I don't know. I have yet to actually visit a doctor about it, primarily because of what he or she might say. The other reason is that if it truly is what I fear it is; well, there's nothing modern science can do about it anyway, due to it's location.

There is also the strong possibility that one or both of them are cysts. If you have followed this blog in the past, I have mentioned that I have one (or a cluster-still not sure which) on my right kidney. That one only bothers me know when I'm dehydrated, or just need to flush my kidneys. If that is the case, then, well, there's nothing I can do about it, due to its location.

Why have I chosen here to make this known. Well, because, I honestly don't know who is reading this right now, and anonymity is actually comforting. Like I said-I'm genuinely scared right now, and if someone I know starts freaking out about it as well, it's only going to be worse for me. Call it the easy way out, if you will. Second is that there is a slim chance that some doctor or scientist will read this and know of a cure for whatever I am experiencing. One of the advantages of the internets.

So, actually, I'll just have this as my post for today. In closing I promise two things: number one, I will go see a doctor, and number two, I will post more often. I hope all is well with you all.

Take care.

He's Alive!

Yes, it's true. I am still breathing and capable of writing. I just have been computer deficient for way too long. Good news, that will be changing Saturday, when I am getting a laptop. That actually works. What a concept.

Anywho, the other reason for this post is that you need to vote for my friend Jenn Evans. Vote now! http://www.kisw.com/pages/6260412.php If anyone is Rock Girl material, it's Jennifer E. She's seriously my best friend, and she's very much a rocker. And crazy hot to boot. Anyhow, stop reading and vote.

Catch ya later,
Jeremy

End of an Era

So, I know full well that I'm not the first person to post about the deaths of Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, or even Ed McMahan. And I know that I'm not the first to realize the frightening thought that they all died in the same week. With the passing of Billy Mays-the OxyClean guy, today, is just another nail in the coffin.

Many of these faces will not be forgotten anytime soon, but some will last longer than others. The musical impact that Michael Jackson had on the world will last generations. This is no exaggeration. He has influenced so many artists in so many different genres of music, and Thriller is still a record holder for sales. Also, the Moonwalk, which only he could ever truly pull off, cannot be fully duplicated.

This is not a blog about Michael, Farrah, or even Billy. It's about the impact that these people had on our lives, no matter how large or small. Their images and voices are imprinted in our subconscious, something that will not be passed on to the unborn generations to come if we choose not to. Of course, that's with anyone. Those who continue to live with us after they have passed one are the ones that have had the most impact in our lives. Famous or not.

One question that arises is why these famous people have such an impact. What is it about these personalities that we are drawn to (and in some cases-with dangerous and disastrous results)? Why is it these particular individuals have such an effect on us? For some, it's talent. True, raw, undeniable talent. Talent that we enjoy and wish we had ourselves. Others are famous for just being famous. These will always be the ones to be the first to be forgotten after they are gone. But there is something there that we are drawn to.

Many of these individuals wouldn't be capable of leading us, should the occasion arise. Yet, we follow them and try to imitate them as if they could. Is it self confidence? Many of them lack it, but project as if they do have it. So what is it? Perhaps, we will never know.

A death is sad, no matter who is the one dying. No person is ever unloved, even if they feel that way. We all leave an imprint on others, some more than others. Humans come and go with the breeze, but legacies outlive us.

So, what kind of an imprint are you leaving on those around you? How will you be remembered, and is that how you would like it to be? The only chance you have to change is before you die, so might as well do it now while you still can.

Allright, done rambling. Hope you all have a good one.

Take care,
Jeremy

My life took the bullet train and left me behind.

So, yeah, I had every intention of posting on here last month but it didn't happen. A lot has happened, I just can't remember most of it. I guess that means that I need to post more often.

Actually, no, strike that. I do post quite a bit. It just so happens to be on twitter-my new little toy. The fact that I can do it from my cell is extremely handy. Especially since I am still without a working computer.

The biggest thing that did happen that I can remember is that I went camping. Loved it. Had a total blast. I was reminded what fun was. I need that more often. A lot more often.

Anyway, I know this is short. Sorry. But I swear to you that I will post a lot more in June.

Take care,
Jeremy

Going down with the ship

Over the past year, I switched my newspaper subscription from the Seattle Times to the Seattle PI. The deal at the time was a good one, and I was pleasantly surprised when I made the switch. The whole entertainment page (and selection of comics) was far superior, the layout was more eye catching, and I enjoyed David Horsey's political cartoons.

It was also the oldest newspaper in Seattle. I use the past tense term, because, as of tomorrow, it will no longer be in print. Instead, it will solely be online at http://www.seattlepi.com/ and I assume that the paper that will be delivered will be the Seattle Times once again. I have already made the decision that when the contract runs out, I will switch over to The News Tribune- as it is a less expensive paper and I have been pleased by what I have seen in the past.

I will miss receiving the PI. I found that I looked forward more to reading it than I did the Seattle Times. It seemed- at least to me- to be a more in depth newspaper. The stories were more involved, from the front page, to the sports page. And while the Times and the PI often carried most of the same stories, there were some in there that I got solely from the PI.

So, long, Seattle Post Intelligencer. You will be greatly missed.

That was quick

So, first off, sorry I haven't been on here to post lately. I'm trying to figure out where exactly February went. One minute it was here...

Anyway, busy month. First, I got a new cellphone, but was able to keep my old number. That's a good thing. Second, for a week there, my laptop was fixed. Then it started copping an attitude again. Moral of the story-need new computer.

I joined twitter this month. For those who are not in the know, it's basically soundbites for your life. I do 90% of these through my cell, which is a nice feature to have. When I figure out how, I will put it on here. If you know how, please let me know.

I spent Valentine's Day (or Singles Awareness Day as I have dubbed it) working; but I'm not complaining. That's basically how I wanted to do it.

This last week has been a complete whirlwind. It started on Sunday when I went to an Oscar party at a friend's apartment and partook in much too much liqueur. The end result was a wicked night for me in which it felt like my belly was full of worms and I wanted desperately to throw up, but could not. But on the plus side, Heath Ledger won Best Supporting Actor. Monday was a quiet, but agonizing day. Tuesday, was Mardi Gras.

Yes, Mardi Gras. I had the day off, which I basically spent waiting around for my check to arrive (long story) and then getting minutes on my phone. Bad thing about twitter is it tends to absorb minutes. In the evening, I went to my cousin's apartment and hung out for a bit. I left when I was feeling tired, but when the cold air hit me, I was wide awake again. So, I headed to Seattle, where, I ran into someone I definitely wasn't expecting to run into. It was a male friend of mine who I thought would be at home. He was there with a friend and they persuaded me to go to a club.

Now, before then, I had never been to a club before. Bars, yes, parties, yes, clubs, not so much. And this was a night in which I saw things I had never seen before-up close and personal. Things that are etched (or seared) in my memory for some time to come. But there was a lot of good things that happened as well. And if I had the time, I would tell you.

So, yes, I must run again.

Take care,
Jeremy

Did you feel that?

So, at 5:20 this morning, we had a little earthquake. A magnitude of 4.5, to be exact. I heard the rumbling and the windows shake, but I didn't actually feel it. I'm just curious as to how everyone else experienced it.

Please let me know,
Jeremy

Happy birthday to me!

I would just like to let all of you know out there in blogger land that I am having a fantastic birthday today and that I will post again soon.

Starting the year with a bang...



So, I would like to start by saying that I am in much better spirits since my last post. The holiday season was extremely stressful and I am glad that it's over. I'm better now.



Well, sort of. You see, the evening of New Year's Day, I was in a minor accident. As some of you know, I rely on the (spastic) metro system. On the night in question, we had just pulled out of the transit center when some idiot decided to cut off the bus. The driver laid on the horn just before impact.

The way I was positioned, I was semi-curled up (as much as can be) and my eyes were closed (as I had just gotten off of work and was tired). So, when the impact happened, my body moved forward and slammed back-on my right side. My right shoulder received the brunt of the impact of me slamming back.

Back to the story. So, the driver of the bus handed out little cards to take our statements, before getting off the bus to see if anyone was hurt. I could hear the occupants of the car yelling at each other in some Asiatic language. I know it wasn't Chinese or Japanese; and none of them spoke any English. My guess is, ten to one, they don't have insurance, and most likely not a valid license, if one at all. They wanted to leave immediately (according to the bus driver), but it's a little hard to do that when there were so many witnesses.

I was a little shaken up that night, but didn't feel any pain. Until the next morning, that is. My entire back was extremely tense, and my right shoulder down to my elbow was a ball of flames. Thanks to a generous friend who gave me a massage, my back no longer hurts (although spasms regularly). My right shoulder and arm are taking longer to heal.

Anyway, that's about it for now. My birthday is next week, which I'm looking forward to.

Take care,
Jeremy

So long, 2008!

Or, better yet, piss off. I have not had a good year. I have not had a decent year. This year, in fact, sucked hard. And I am not alone in this. In fact, I can't think of a single person who did have a good year. Can you?

I don't feel like rehashing all the crap that's happened, so, if you feel so inclined, feel free to read my previous posts on here. I will, however, recap December; since I haven't had the opportunity to get on here until now. It began with my grandmother's funeral. Having family here was nice, especially for Thanksgiving, but it was hard as well.

Then came the weather, and the weather definitely came. Wind, rain, temperatures in the 20s, snow, snow, and, um, yeah, more snow. Washington doesn't see much of the white stuff in December, unless you go to the mountains. But down here at sea level saw at least a foot of it, even more so in most places. The upside is that we actually had a genuine, white Christmas this year. The downsides were slipping all over the place when it would convert to ice and idiot drivers not driving for the conditions, not to mention the cabin fever we all have been feeling.

Speaking of Christmas-was anyone actually prepared for it? I wasn't-though I didn't feel like celebrating anyway. Add to it the drastic weather and people were down each others' throats. You probably heard about the stampede at a Walmart on Black Friday. That should give you the state of mind of most consumers this year. Do people not realize that Christmas does come every year?

I know this post is not exactly happy and joyful. There is some stuff that I am quite grateful for. My friends and family who have rallied around us during this dark period. Especially those who keep checking up on me. Your efforts are greatly appreciated. And I am looking forward to next year, if only for the opportunity for a fresh start. I have already made my resolutions, and this time, they are actually quite reasonable. I'm even contemplating participating in a annual writer's contest next November. If I can. We'll see.

Anywho-here's to next year. I hope it's better than this year. It has to be. Right?

In Loving Memory

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me." (John 14:1)

There is no easy way to loose a loved one. The pain, at first unbearable, over time dims; but never goes away. The survivors are left with an invisible scar on their hearts. Years later, the tears still flow-although they fall less often.

The Lord welcomed Virginia Ghea into His promised mansion on November 25th. In the last half hour of her life, her troubled breathing calmed. Her passage from this life to the next one was a gentle one. On her walk with God here on Earth, the only time she saw Him was in His majestic creations and artists’ assumptions. Now she sees Him face to face as He welcomes home His good and faithful servant.

She was a Christian, not only in faith, but in works. Completely selfless-even when she could no longer take care of you, she still tried. She had a pure and gentle heart, with a smile that genuinely lit up the room. The eyes are the window of the soul, and hers were soft and caring.

Does this hurt? Yes. But while our suffering has just begun, her has come to an end. She is finally, truly, at peace.

Goodbye, Grandma. I miss you so. And I await your welcoming hug when the Lord calls me home.

AHHHHHHHHHH! Where did the year go!?

Do you realize that Thanksgiving is, oh, next week? Seriously, go look at a calendar. Not only is it on NOVEMBER (at least it should be), but it's also over half way through. The only person I've bought Christmas presents for is my niece (who will once again be spoiled), and I haven't even begun to think about cards.

In other news, my coworkers and I had to have an intervention for our manager. We are stretched thin, and she has come up with every excuse in the book to avoid hiring someone. So, on Sunday, a coworker of mine wrote a letter, I proofread it, and all of us (except for a very part time employee who was out of town) signed it. We put it with the morning paperwork last night, so it should have been read by now. If things go well, we will have someone (or hopefully someones) new. If things go bad, well, I can always find a job somewhere else. Either way, I will find out today when I go into work. So, um, wish me luck.

There's more, of course, but it will have to be revealed later.

Take care,
Jeremy

PS: The new Bond movie is amazing. The only thing missing was a villain...

You have no idea how glad I am that this election season is finally over. It is the first time, at least as far as I can remember, where the political parties were more venomous than the actual candidates themselves. Well, as far as the presidential election goes. The governor's race is a whole 'nother bag of chips...

Yes, once again, I will be working the election as a poll worker. I honestly doubt that there will be the relaxed atmosphere that prevailed over the primary. I also expect it to be a mad house. I am still planning on bringing the entire Chronicles of Narnia with me, just in case. While my earlier optimism of being able to read them all in one day is completely gone, I do expect to get through more than half the books. I'm also planning on bringing an energy drink and food with me this time.

In other news, I didn't do anything on Halloween night. I was way too tired after work, and I had to open the next morning. That, and all the political talk in the air and on the airwaves, killed the mood.

Not much else is new. Well, no, I take that back. I got some big news on the 28th, but I am refraining from telling until around Thanksgiving.

Anyway, that's it for now. I hope to post again soon.

Take care,

Jeremy

Happy Halloween

Well, a day early. I'm not sure if I will be online tomorrow, so I just thought that I would do it now. Not surprisingly, I have to close tomorrow. I haven't had a Halloween off in, well, I can't remember how long. But I will be dressing up-sort of. I will be going as a Mormon missionary, which is close to the dress code for work. In fact, the only thing I'm lacking (besides a Book of Mormon) is a bicycle helmet. So if you have a spare one that you're willing to let me borrow, let me know.

I have no plans after work, other than a mysterious party request that I got on myspace today. I doubt I go, considering I don't know anyone who was invinted, or who invited me. Anywho, gotta run.

Take care,
Jeremy

Five years later

Today marks the five year anniversary of Dad's death. So far, I am doing well, far better than what I was expecting to be. It hurts, but there are no tears, only memories. This, I know, is how he would have wanted it. This is how I wanted it to be.

I have changed much over the years. Life is much more fragile and short. Not in a doomsday kind of a way, but in a way where you appreciate every moment that you actually are alive. After you lose someone close, especially a parent, you are constantly aware that the life you live will make an impact, no matter how small, even after you're gone. And there will be far more people at your funeral than you would expect. Even people you haven't spoken to in years.

This blog will not be grim, for there is no need for it to be. The depression is gone, leaving only the good memories and the few remaining "could've been"s. The hardest part of moving on is letting go. Is finally forcing yourself to admit that they are not coming back; allowing this person to be dead in your mind. They have moved on, and eventually you will have to as well. This is both painful and liberating. And completely, entirely, necessary.

This year has been hard, but I'm not goining into that either. I don't want to, and I don't need to. Time has healed the wounds it has needed to, even as the memories remain. I knew this year would be hard, not in the extreme that it has been, but even that's okay. It allows me to put everything in perspective; and allows me to filter out just what I need and don't need in my life.

I'm not happy, but I'm used to not being happy. I've grown used to this emptiness. What I am happy for is that he no longer suffers. He is in a far better place than I am. For that, I am happy.

I need to leave now. I will be heading to the cemetery, then spend the rest of the evening at home. Tomorrow, hopefully, I will visit my grandmother. After that, I will go to work. Essentially, I will keep on living. I wish you all good luck and good health.

Take care of yourselves,
Jeremy

Odds and ends

So, first off, I would like to announce that I have a new cell phone. I lost my old one about two months ago, and I was in the position Monday to get a new one. Not only is it a new phone, but a new service as well. I used to be a Cingular customer, but since the majority of the people I call are on the Sprint network, I decided to make the switch. It's a camera phone-something I've never had before. And I plan on joining Twitter, because, well, now I can.

Second, work is keeping me crazy busy. For the month of October, I have had a grand total of one day off a week (hence how I can afford a new phone) and I was informed a few days ago to expect more hours in November and December; what with the upcoming holiday season and the strong possibility that one of my coworkers will be quitting. So, if you are looking for a place that will be hiring, we definitely have an opening.

Health wise, well, could be better, could be worse. Last week, for most of the week, I had a massive kidney attack a day-not fun. It's since calmed down, and I deduced that it was just due to the fact that I hadn't been drinking a lot of water around that time. Something that I have begun to do again. I got over the cold quickly thanks to plenty of Airborne and sleep. And speaking of sleep, with my crazy schedule, I haven't had any insomnia problems at all.

I've been writing more. You may have read the poem I posted on here and I've been writing short stories for a big writer's competition put out by Writer's Digest. I decided to acrew at least a dozen of them before I begin submitting them.

My sister may or may not be flying out for Thanksgiving again this year. The deciding factors are the price of tickets (now that she has to pay for a seat for the munchkin) and whether or not her husband has any different plans. I only found out about that today, so when I know more, I will let you know.

Anyway, I think that's it for now. I hope to post again soon.

Take care,
Jeremy

Autumn

Tuesday, October 14, 2008 6:15am



The trees are alive with a frozen fire

No smoke is emitted from these flames

Occasionally, an ember drifts to the ground

Or else a gust of wind blows it all away



Crisp air revives me

It is filled with the scent of the earth

The hot cider permeates the inside of me

And I emit steam from my nose and mouth

As if a fleshy dragon walked down the street



Summer has already died and winter has yet to arrive

Empty corpses of pumpkins line the streets

And illuminate the night

As the childrens’ minds slowly fill with knowledge

Their thoughts often drift to All Hallows Eve night



As baseball winds down and football begins again

I take a walk outside

To enjoy this all again

The Cold and Flu Season is upon us.

Oh yes, it's that fun time of year for sniffling, sneezing, and all around achiness. Since I have been bombared with germs from customers, coworkers, friends, family, and random strangers, I too am partacking in the season.

Thankfully, it's just a cold. I normally get the flu this time of year, so I am definitely grateful for the downgraded version. I will be greatly surprised if I'm still sick, this time next week.

In other news, my mood has drastically improved this month so far. I made a goal to be as productive as I can this month; even if it's in little ways. I think that part of the problem with this year has been that I've been insanely busy, but rarely productive. I'm channeling and challenging myself and it seems to be working.

Also this month, I have been writing more. Already I have entered a short story contest through Writer's Digest and I hope to have more entries into a much larger contest that they are holding. It's been a while since I've written any poetry, so I might write some of that before the end of the month as well. If I do, and I like it, I will post it on here. So stay tuned.

Anyway, just a short post for now. I will write on here again soon.

Take care,
Jeremy

Wake me up, when September ends


Even though this is the first time that I have posted in September, it definitely is not the first time that I have been on here. Honestly, I have spent most of the month lacking either words to write or the desire to write them. Yet, with the end of the month drawing so close, I must post once more.


This has not been an easy month. No, strike that, this has been a typical month in an extremely difficult year. Turbulent, I believe, would be an appropriate term to describe 2008. It is most likely the one I will use, since no others spring to mind. Painful, trying, depressing; all very appropriate descriptions, but not as fitting as turbulent. And I hold no false hope as to redemption in the few months that remain.


Death has been an ever present subject on my mind; what with the potentially fatal accident (but thankfully not) that an aunt of mine was in at the beginning of the month and the five year anniversary of my Dad's death at the end of next month. Prayers of her recovery seem to be the only ones that God is hearing from me.


Finances, which have always been slim, definitely haven't been helped with continuing to receive doctor's bills. Finances have also kept me from getting tested as to the cause of the cyst(s) that also have been, well, a pain in my side. The lone light spot is the massive amounts of hours I am getting at work, which definitely help when I do receive the bills.

All is not lost though. The reason "turbulent" is so appropriate is that I have experiences sudden ups to the dramatic drops, very much like being in a plane in the middle of a thunderstorm (which I've done more times than I care for). My entire year has been very much like the seat-gripping-roller-coaster ride in the skies. There is no need to rehash, just read (or reread) everything that I have posted on here and realize that it is but a small fraction to what I have experienced.

Anyway, as I was say, I have a job that I love. I needed that year-and-a-half break from both the book environment and the standard retail environment to recharge my burnt out batteries. Food service is certainly not for me. On the same token, it also gives me more respect for those who not only can do it, but do. With the constant hours come the constant pay, which is putting me closer and closer to the black. Also, there is a good chance that I will be working with my former manager, although she only wants part-time low level work. It will be good to work with her again. She is but a fragment of my past that will keep me focused on the future.

A future that is ever unclear day by day. I once had the illusion of what paths each year would take. An illusion I lost five years ago and has been reiterated every day this year.

So, that is it for now. There is more to be said, but no time to say it. Maybe I will post again this month, but only time will tell.

August

Simply put, I don't have as much time on my hands as I used to. Hence why it has taken me so long to post a blog on here. Believe me, a lot has happened to keep me off of here.

I'll start with the fact that for almost a month, I had two jobs. I use the past tense, because I finally decided that the commute to Ben and Jerry's did not equate the hours or pay that I was receiving there. I knew it would be part time when I was hired, but I didn't fully realize the hassle and strain that it would create. I kid you not when I tell you that one day it took me three hours to get home, just because of traffic and such.

Speaking of working, for a brief period last week I had three jobs. The third one was training to become an election poll worker, which I will be doing tomorrow. Where I live, they pay you $125 for the day and there won't be much that you will be doing. I was told by everyone that I should bring plenty to read. The only snafu is that it's from six in the morning to after eight at night with only one hour lunch for a break. But still... If all goes well tomorrow, I will do it again in November.

The other job that I have is a Christian bookstore in the mall that I have worked in for in the past. In fact, there are times when this mall is my ball and chain. I thoroughly enjoy my job and I am picking up very quickly on the ins and outs of the job. My manager is impressed by how well that I'm doing.

The other bit of news that I have involves my kidney. For a while after my second opinion, I was pain free and feeling great. Then the dull aches came back and last Saturday night (not last night, but the week prior), I had another massive attack comparable to the one I had back in April. I told my sister (the eventual med student) this and she suspects that I might not have one cyst, but several. A cyst cluster, if you will. She thinks that the two attacks were, in fact, the cysts popping (which is a good thing-despite the pain) and that is why it didn't go away after the first attack.

Now, had I time, money, and insurance, I would have told you what the doctor has said. But the lack of these has prevented me from setting up any futher appointments in the near future. Speaking of doctors, one thing that I negected to mention was the fact that when I did have my previous opinions, neither one tested me for cancer. They just were trying to figure out what the lump on my kidney was and that's it. I am in no way saying that I have cancer-only that the next time I visit a doctor, I will insist that they test me.

Anywho, there's more news, but no more time for me to tell it. I hope all is well, and I hope to post again soon.

Take care,
Jeremy