Update on my life.
Things have changed since my last post. So much that I'm not even sure where to start. I guess that I should start with the good news. That way if you don't want to hear the bad news, you don't have to wade through it to hear the good news.
First part of the good news. Right after my last post, I got home and discovered that my laptop charger had arrived in the mail and it was for a very paltry sum. Very. The second part of the good news is that I got a job. It's not the bank like I was hoping, but a nearby Starbucks. And not only that, but I will be getting a second interview next week to find out if I will be starting out at an entry level management position.
All right, time for the bad news. A week ago, tomorrow, I was out about about with someone very special to me. She had just gotten back from Mexico on vacation and I was looking forward to spending all day with her. The problem was that I was suffering from some food poisoning. This caused me to, well to be blunt, vomit. First in my own drive way and then in her car. She threw me to the curb and I have yet to hear from her since.
Good riddance, most will and have said. I deserve better than someone who is going to love me and then literally just leave me when I'm down. It just so happens, though, that I am very much in love with her. Still.
We have grown very close over the past few months. We talked repeatedly about how many children would be enough, what kind of wedding that she would like, very serious topics like that. We spent numerous days during the week together and even had a dedicated movie night. I felt closer to her than anyone else. I still do.
Now one would ask why someone would do this to someone else when they had grown so close. This is where I mention the fact that she is not exactly over her ex-boyfriend of five years. He moved on, she did not. Because if she truly had moved on, she would not have done this to me.
Why I am even posting this is that I need to get it all off my chest. I have talked with only relatives about this and I feel that I need to tell a wider audience. If she reads this, which would greatly surprise me because she seems to want nothing to do with me, I hope and literally pray that she will realize what she has done and come back to me.
I know I deserve better. I don't want better. I want her back and I want her back for good.
2 comments:
This is not a fun place for you to be, and believe me when I say, I understand. We've all been there, one time or another, so you have plenty of understanding company.
However, let me say something about it.
You said she was not quite over her last boyfriend of five years. Five years is a long time to be with someone. It is a long time to invest in another person, so "getting over" someone after that length of time, is not easy.
That special relationship you had with her was great, but she was not at the point where she could support you in a time of need. She is not ready to move on to that type of relationship with you.
What's even harder to grasp, is the fact that she may not even have known it herself. It wasn't until the barf hit the floor that she realized things were not quite where she needed them to be, so she backed away.
Did she mean to hurt you? Probably not, but when one is in self-preservation mode, as she must have been, it is usually not the other person that is first on the "must take care of" list. She did what she needed to do for herself.
Now you need to do the same. You need to take care of yourself. Focus on your job, or jobs, get yourself healthy, both physically and mentally, and when you're finally ready and able to step back into that world, she might be there, ready and waiting for you, OR, you could realize that she was wonderful, but not quite "the one."
Yes, that's hard to imagine right now, because she is all you care about, the only one you want. This is why you need to just get yourself healthy and back on your feet. I'm not saying you aren't in love with her, because you are. She's just not ready for it. You can't force that. When she's ready, she'll be there.
But you need to be ready for love to come back in whatever form it takes. Love likes surprises. We don't always like them, but when love brings them, they tend to be pretty wonderful.
Live through this, don't try to ignore your feelings, because they are real, and ignoring them will make it worse. Just don't let them take over.
Thank you. What you said really means a lot to me. I am very touched. I will definitely take what you said to heart and hold it there.
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