New Year's Resolutions

I have been racking my brain, trying to best describe 2007. It wasn't a bad year, because there were times this year that I was the happiest I have ever been. It wasn't a good year, either. I guess the best way to describe it would be that 2007 was a difficult year. I would even goes as far as to say that it came in like a lamb and it will most likely end like a lion.

So, instead of talking about the year that is quickly coming to a close, I am going to take this time to make my New Year's Resolutions.

First off, while I drink plenty of water, I still don't get my full eight cups of water. So, for the 366 days that make up 2008, I am going to consume three full venti sized cups of water. Each venti size is 24 ounces, or three cups.

Second, I am going to actively look for a steady job and have one. One that will actually pay me for what I'm worth and have a stable enough to where I'm not feast or famine. One that I could turn into a career and would want to.

Third, I am going to be a lot more tidier. Right now, time is stretched thin, and it's bugging me that I don't have as much time to clean as I need. Also, I'm going to manage my time better, so I'm not just spending my entire days off cleaning.

And finally the fourth one. For my fourth resolution, I am going to take life one day at a time. One hard lesson this year has taught me well is just how quickly life can change from one day to the next. I know not what tomorrow will bring, but I shall worry about it tomorrow. For today, I need to deal with today.

Since we're still on the topic of New Year's, I would like to add just one more thing. I work both New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. Luckily, I get off in plenty of time to actually enjoy the night and I don't work until the following afternoon. So far, I have no plans.

Merry Christmas!

I would just like to wish you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Man, this year flew by, didn't it?

Take care,
Jeremy

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in out lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the two cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They all agreed that it was.

The professor then picked us a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things-your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions. If everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter-your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else-the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the golf balls or the pebbles. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friendship."

(Courtesy of Harnish Lincoln Mercury auto dealership.)

This is my December

2007 has not been a normal year for me, in any stretch; and the weather so far this month has mirrored that perfectly. On the first day, there was snow and lots of it. Too bad it didn't stick and by the end of the evening, it gave way to the torrential rains that you probably have heard about. Then came the wind, and they coupled to create quite the monsoon that lasted for most of the week. Then came the blessed sun and one can only hope and pray that it sticks around long enough for the state to dry out.

But I'm not here to talk about the weather. As odd as it has been, I have absolutely no control over it. I can only endure, and hope for the best. It's just one more storm in my life. Quite literally.

No, I am here to talk about the Christmas season. Ever since my Dad passed away, the holidays have lost their touch; there's been no magic to them at all. I have only meandered through them, putting on a happy face while feeling nothing inside. The lone exception was last year. Last year I got a spark back. There was a twinkle in my eye again. I was able to actually get back into the spirit of Christmas.

Why? For one very, very good reason. Someone came back into my life. Someone who I hadn't seen or spoken to since high school. She came back into my life and we were hanging out together. There's this little bar that we used to go to all the time and just hang out and have fun. Mind you, we would only drink water, but there was karaoke, which is a blast. I'm not normally someone who would participate, but she gave me the confidence I needed to get up there and sing my heart out. It helps that she thinks I sing well.

That someone is still in my life. This is one of the few reasons, despite it all, I'm actually once again looking forward to Christmas. By despite it all, I have a few major things that are getting in my way.

Number one, is money. I had a very large bill almost wipe out my last paycheck and I won't have another paycheck until the middle of the month. This brings about the second problem: time. My work schedule is all over the map, which makes not only shopping a bit of a problem, but also slims down drastically any chance I have to spend time with those that I care about. The third is just how unpredictable my life is right now. Obviously, this has much to do with the previous two.

The best solution I have come up with is that I throughly plan on doing all my Christmas shopping done on one day. I've done it in the past, so I know that it's possible. I just have to make sure that it's early enough in the month so I can send off a certain package to Texas, but late enough so I actually have money so I can go shopping. This alone would alleviate much of the stress that I'm feeling right now. After all, if I do all my shopping on one day, this frees up my time as well. Although I would like to point out that I have actually started some of my Christmas shopping. So, technically speaking, I'm not doing it ALL on one day. But whatever.

Yes, I am going to make the most out of this Christmas season. Time is short, so I'm going to put my all into it. All that matters is that I am able to make someone very happy.

This will be a busy month for me, but I will post again before the new year. By the way, I would like to point out that my next post will be my 100th.

Happy Thanksgiving!


Alright, yes, I do realize that by the time you have read this, it will be over. You will probably be home from fighting off the hordes of people trying to by stuff for their loved ones I sincerely hope you had a great Thanksgiving. I know for a fact that I did. It was honestly one of the best Thanksgivings I have ever had.


Thanksgiving day started out the way all holidays start out-behind schedule. I woke up early enough, sure, but still managed to get behind. I skipped breakfast (for a good reason), got ready early enough, and yet, still ran behind.


On an errand for my grandfather, I met my sister at a local grocery store. From there, we went to where my best friend works and we were fortunate enough that we got there before they closed. When we arrived, she literally met us outside; even though another rush was about to begin. Even though she was busy, we spent a little time together and she was able to walk us out.

After that, we headed back down south to the grandparents (on my Dad's side) house for Thanksgiving dinner #1. There was a lot of laughter and fun and a lot of food. Also, there were lots of pictures. It's rare that my sister is able to come out to visit, so we definitely made the most out of it. I was even able to get a (sort of) four generation photo. I say sort of because instead my mother being in the photo (she spent it in Bellingham), it's my aunt.

After that, we (my sister, niece, and I) went over to our other grandparents. I don't see them very often and on my Mom's side there are a ton of people. Luckily, everyone made it there, which is a feat in and of itself. It seems like everyones lives have become so busy over the past few years that even holidays there's quite a few people missing. And like I said, that side of the family has a great number of people, so it's not too surprising.

My niece slept the entire way from one set of grandparents (actually, great grandparents to her) to the other and through about half the evening. This gave us the pre-dinner conversations and most of dinner in relative peace. Don't get me wrong. I love my niece. I really do. Ask anyone. But she's definitely at the age where she can be a total handful. She's doing a fine job of running me into the ground. When she did wake up, she was rather cranky before she totally woke up; which was when she became the life of the party. Such is the life of an almost two year old.

As the evening went on, I reconnected with family members that I rarely see and updated those I see a bit more frequent. This was definitly one of the largest Thankgivings I can remember. It felt good to see so many loved ones that I don't have a lot of chance of seeing. It felt like one giant family again.

Anyway, that was my Thanksgiving in a nutshell. I would love for you to share with me your Thanksgiving experiences; as well as your Black Friday experiences as well. It was seriously the slowest Black Friday that I have worked. There were times when I was literally looking for something to do.

Anyway, it's after two am and bed is beckoning me. Take care and I'll talk to you soon.

Guess who's coming for dinner?

My sister, that's who! And she will be here for an entire week!

Okay, for those of you out there who don't follow my blog all that often-I have an older sister who very much lives out of state. In fact, she just moved from one state to another very recently, but is still no closer to home. She is happily married and has a daughter who will be two in the beginning of next month. Man, time flies.

Anyway, I'm lucky if I get to see her once a year and this year it will be twice! I spent my week vacation at the end of June at her (well, now old) place and now she will be spending a week here. She will be staying with a friend and she will be bringing my niece along with her. Her husband will be spending Thankgiving with his family.

She will be flying in tomorrow (okay, technically today) afternoon and I will be meeting her at the airport with our grandparents. After that, I'm not sure what will happen; but my coworkers are really anxious to meet her. Hopefully we will spend a lot of time together this week; but whenever she's out here, she's busy visiting everyone she rarely sees. I know for a fact that she will be spending Thankgiving dinner with me and then we will go over to the grandparents on our Mom's side for dessert. At least, I think that's the plan. I'm not sure.

Anyway, I know I'll have a crazy week. I hope to post again on Thankgiving, but no promises. Take care and don't do anything I wouldn't do.

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends"-John 15:13

I would like to dedicate this post to the men and women in the armed services. Whether they are in the mud and sand of Iraq or still in boot camp hardening themselves for battle; their sacrifice is why we are still free today. While we may go to the parades and the sales at the malls; they are out there living the struggle. They eat and breathe and die on foreign soil so that we here are free.

My Dad was in the Navy during the Vietnam War. Although he was stationed in Hawaii, he still had to deal with the war. He was on the crash crew and had to deal with some very hairy situations. I have a lot of family members who were in the military and for a while I was seriously thinking about joining. I still haven't given up the notion completely.

This is Veteran's Day. A day set aside so we may honor those who have served our country. We have this day to honor those who give their all. Who live each day with literal blood, sweat, and tears. Throughout my years of working with the public, I have met people with true stories of amazing courage. The stuff that would be a guaranteed box office hit. And all they say is that they were just doing their job.

So I have a request for you, dear readers. If you know a vet, thank a vet. Just this simple gesture is enough to brighten their day, maybe even their week. They may not immediately show how happy it makes them feel, but it does.

Anyways, that's all for me right now, dear readers. Take care and safe journeys.

Huh, interesting

I'm actuallykind of surprised that I got these answers:

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

The waves are calmer

Today, my best friend and I took a walk down on the waterfront. It has been a couple months since I've seen her and it felt really good to spend some time with her. We had stopped and were watching the waves. She asked me what I was thinking and I told her "life".

For me, life has been a lot like the open water on the ocean. Rather calm and serene, a few waves to make it interesting. But since my Dad passed away, life has been more like the choppy waters that we saw today. Full of uncertainty and complications that have been making it hard for me to keep my head above water. Do I blame him or his passing? No! It's just how my life has been, that's all. It had to happen sometime.

2007 will definitely be a year that I will remember. I have endured quite a few storms this year that have caused the waves to rise up and come down hard on me. The most blatant example is that I lost my job of six years because the company went belly up. Yes, I have moved on to another job. This other job has provided even more chaos in my life and I struggle with it daily. Not just the physical demands that I go through on a daily basis, but the psychological ones as well. I literally have no clue when I start my work day whether it will be a good day or not.

How is it that I have kept my chin up, despite it all? Easy. I have a very close set of friends and family who are looking out for me including my best friend who cares about me and wants the best for me. She calms my storms and quiets my seas. I can have the worst day and all it takes is to talk to her and spend time with her and all is right with the world. I am most at rest when you are in my life.

Today will go down in my highlights for the year. All because of you.

October 28th

There is a subject that I write about very little on here. A subject that I rarely talk about; even with either friends and family. Nevertheless, it is a topic that is extremely near and dear to my heart. I'm talking about the death of my Dad.

Let me begin this with saying that he was the best Dad I could ever have asked for. One thing that very, very few people know about me is that he was not my biological father. Where my biological father is, I honestly could care less. That man left my life at a very early age and I would like to keep it that way.

But the Dad that I had was beyond incredible. He was so supportive of both my sister and I and he loved his wife with all of his heart. He was beyond devoted to her and he cherished her more than all the gold in the world. He raised us and made us his own. We took his last name unofficially and when I was a junior in high school, I made it official. I bear my last name with a true badge of honor, because of what it represents and who gave it to me.

He taught me so many lessons and most of who I am today is because of him. He was the ultimate family man and he gave his everything for us.

This is one of the main reasons why his passing almost four years ago has impacted me so much. For most of his life he suffered with a lung condition called Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder (COPD) as well as asthma. Towards the end of his life, he literally fought for every breath that he took. The thing of it is, since I was still living with my parents at the time, I hadn't realized this. It was just how it was. But he did.

The Sunday before he passed on, he was adamant that we go to church. It had been a while since we had gone, so we didn't think anything of it. We went, and then the next day it was back to work. All three of us were living in Auburn, but working in North Bend. So a day of work was literally a day we were gone all day.

His last day was a Tuesday. I am so grateful that we all had the day off and we spent it together as a family. I can still see the sunset that he pointed out to us. The most brilliant and beautiful sunset I had ever seen and even now. We went home and spent the evening together watching TV. Like most families, this was a daily occurrence, but I am grateful for it. We all were scheduled to work the next day, so we turned in at relatively the same time.

I remember it happened just after eleven. I heard some commotion and I got out of bed to see what was going on. My mom was in the doorway of their bedroom screaming and I saw him laying on the floor. She yelled at me to go help the paramedics find the house and I left with this massive spotlight of a flashlight that he had. I'm not sure if I was wearing shoes or not when I left.

They were there within ten minutes and they did the best that they could. I have no clue how many times they tried to resuscitate him, but they only stopped after they were finally able to convince us that he wasn't coming back. As an interesting twist of fate, one of the firefighters who responded to the scene was the father of one of my oldest friends; who also was there, but I don't remember seeing him. And the volunteer chaplain that was there was none other than our pastor, who also presided over the memorial.

Most of that night is buried in my subconscious. I don't have flashbacks anymore, and I'm finally able to talk about that night without bursting into tears. He was cremated and his ashes are at Tahoma National Cemetery; because he was in the Navy during the Vietnam War.

The four year anniversary of his passing is this Sunday. I will be spending the entire day with my mother, who I don't see as much as I would like to. And those who have read this blog before know, on August 26th I received my very first tattoo and I wanted it to be in tribute to him.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you, my dear readers. Take care.

Rarely do I post song lyrics as a post, but this one is deeply important to me. There have been times in my life where I have not been the kind of a friend that I would want. If I have ever been that way to you, you have my honest apology. I am and will try to be a better friend.

Friends Are Friends Forever
Michael W. Smith

Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

Chorus:
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say "never"
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.

With the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you'll live in
Is the strength that now you show
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

Chorus

Good news, bad news:

The good news is that my elbow is feeling much better. I'm now taking Advil sparingly (unlike the copious amounts that I was taking before) and I am using it a lot more. Probably, still, more than I'm supposed to. But then again, I've always had the problem of not taking care of myself completely.

Bad news time: The insomnia is back in full force. It's almost three in the morning and I'm listening to classical music. Wide awake. Not good.

There's a perfectly good reason why. I miss my friend like mad. I could tell her everything and since we've been apart, there's no one else that I've been that close to. Sure, there's my sister, but we speak maybe once a month. There's a lot I've got bottled up that I would love to tell her, but I can't. I wish I could, but I can't.

I wonder if she's missing me, too.

Don't try this at home (or work)

So, news flash to absolutely no one, I'm kind of a klutz. Latest proof of this is what happened last night.

It's after close and I had just finished a load of dishes. I pulled them out of the Sanitizer and was walking over to the drive thru bar to set them down. My glasses were askew and I didn't see the pile of mats that were sitting there. I tripped and braced myself from crashing with my right arm; which smacked into the drive thru bar. Which just so happens to be made of metal. Needless to say that the tray fell and several dishes were broken. I felt like I was broken as well.

Since it is, well, me, my first concern was the wreckage that I had just created while my coworkers were more worried about me. Which is why it took a second before the pain kicked in. And the pain did kick in.

Mainly it's in my elbow. I use the present tense because it still royally hurts. Also, my forearm was also screaming at me as well as a few ribs. I landed hard, needless to say. My shift supervisor immediately banned me from doing anything else for the evening and made an ice pack for me. Only problem with that was that I still had to close my register. Turns out, I can do that one handed.

After that way done, I basically sat in the back room with my arm in a make shift sling that I made out of my apron and the ice pack. I'm feeling thirty shades of stupid and my body feels like I was on the receiving end of a baseball bat. Not the best way to end the night. Luckily, said shift was able to talk his father into giving me a ride home.

Sleeping sucked big time. What sleep I did get was shallow and interrupted quite a bit. I know, I know, the smart thing would have been to get it checked out even before going home, but we were all tired and it was past 11:30 by the time we left. Brains were done for the night and mine was the first one to shut down. Trauma kind of does that to me. Go figure.

Morning arrives and I immediately ask my grandfather for a ride to the hospital. It's feeling vaguely better because I slept with the sling on. We go down to the emergency room (after a brief stop in the lobby where I was instructed that I need to go to the ER) and I have lots of forms to fill out. In a way, I was lucky, because I write with my left hand and I injured my right arm. The nurse got a copy of my insurance (I'm so glad that I signed up for that) and I filled out the forms for L&I. Since an incident report was filled out right after the incident, I didn't have to worry about that one.

After that was a brief stint in the Waiting Room where my grandfather did his best to keep my mind off of it. Then I went into a room where a nurse felt up my arm to make sure that nothing else was wrong and then I waited to get x-rays.

Here's where the good news comes in. Nothing's broken or fractured or out of joint. I've gotta take it easy for the next few days (no heavy lifting) and I can take Ibuprofen for the pain. The swelling is down and I can use it some without it getting mad at me.

By the way, yes I did go to work today. Mainly it was a mandatory store meeting and a lite shift after that. Yes, I will go to work tomorrow night and no, I'm not going to do anything that's going to hurt myself. I hope.

So, by the way, I have a tattoo now. First off, yes, this is my first tattoo. Second, despite the pain and the price, I would love to get another. I got it on Sunday, August 26, 2007

Alright, now for the information. Late last week (Thursday, I believe) I was given the opportunity to go with my cousin and get a tattoo on Saturday. I had been wanting to get one since high school, but both being indecisive about what design and the pain that would go into it drove me away. I don't know why, but when the opportunity came up, I knew I had to go for it. Speak now or forever hold your peace kind of a thing.

So Saturday rolls around and I just got off work at a store that I don't normally work at. I call her to see where to meet and she mentions that she's in the same city that I'm in and that we have to meet somewhere. I mention a local shopping center, but she doesn't know exactly where it's at. I told her that I would come and find her, and we met up maybe a half hour later. We go to the guy's apartment (yes, I know, but believe me when I say that I'm paranoid about that kind a thing, so you know he had to be safe). We meet her husband, who was there already, and the three of us talk to Bruce (the tattoo guy) about what we want. Originally, all I wanted was how the date was done here (October 28, 2003 in case you can't read it). He gave me a look and said that since it was my first time, I should go big or go home. He then proceeds to draw this amazing design that I know that I want on my skin for the rest of my life.

While my cousin's husband proceeds to get his tattoo (we were all going to get our first tattoos together), I'm talking to a certain lady friend of my on the phone and hanging out with a friend of ours who literally is the real life Jolly Green Giant (I say this with total admiration and I know that he wouldn't be offended by it). I'm getting bummed out because it seems like this certain lady friend of mine isn't going to make it and I really wanted her there when I got my first tattoo. Turns out that his tattoo took longer than expected, and we had to head home. In a way, this is a good thing.

Sunday: I've just had a really bad day at work, and I'm not exactly in the mood to get a tattoo. Nevertheless, my cousin once again picks me up at work and we go to the guy's apartment. The mutual friend of ours is only there briefly, as he had to leave for a date. His new tattoo is just awesome. My cousin's husband is also there, waiting for us to arrive. His tattoo is looking good and he mentioned that it kept catching his eye all day at work. Bruce announces that it's my cousin who's going first, with his eyes smiling as he says this. He wants to make sure that I really know what I'm getting myself into.

I call my lady friend again, and once again, she doesn't think that she's going to be able to make it. She had left work and had just gotten home when I called her. She heard the disappointment in my voice and told me not to be and that she was really proud of me for getting it. For those of you who don't know, the date on my tattoo was the day my Dad died. I told her that my cousin was going first and that it was going to be a while. We talked for another couple minutes and then she told me that she had to do something and that she would call me back. She did, five minutes later and we talked for a bit. While we were talking, I kept wandering over and watching my cousin get her tattoo done. This did absolutely nothing to help my courage. I told her (my lady friend) where we were, but she said that she wasn't sure if she would up to it. After a couple more minutes, she mentioned that she had something to do and that she would call me back later.

Ten minutes later, she calls me and asks me "hypothetically" how to get there from a nearby restaurant. I'm beyond ecstatic by this; and hand over the phone to my cousin's husband who is a lot better at directions than I am. We both go outside as he gives her directions over the phone. We both see her car and he hands the phone back to me as she rolls up and parks. She gets out of the car and looks absolutely stunning. Here I am, looking like I've been through hell and she is just breathtaking. He had left back for the apartment when she parked, so we hugged and walked there together. As soon as we got inside, I announce her to everyone.

Since my cousin had just finished getting her tattoo before my lady friend showed up, it was my turn. Now or never. And there's no way I'm going to back down with her there. She told me that she would tease me for the rest of my life if I cried. I did not cry. I lied down on the table and Bruce grabs my leg and pulls me toward him. My lady friend offers her hand for the pain and I told her that I would make it up to her some day. I took her hand (come on now, do I look like an idiot?) and for most of the time I held it. Yes, I will admit that there were times when I definitely gave it a squeeze. On a few occasions, from the range of one to ten, it was a twelve. Especially around the Achilles tendon. And she kept telling me to stop moving and to breathe in through my nose and out of my mouth. She was clearly enjoying herself.

The tattoo itself took about an hour and a half. During that time, she sat there and entertained Bruce's grand kids and kept me focused. She would tell me to go to my happy place, so I would either think of my Dad who I know would be proud or I would think of her and how she was with me. She is my happy place.

At first, it hurt more than anything. The pain is constant and it's totally unique. After a while, the buzzing numbs the area, until it finds another rather touchy area. One thing that totally surprised me is that you sweat when you get a tattoo. I knew that it would drop my blood sugar, but I wasn't aware that you would sweat so much. All in all, I would love to do it again.

After the tattoo was done, he gave me the run down about not to do and how to maintain it. His daughter took the official photo of it for his book (which is actually his myspace page http://www.myspace.com/n_e_ta2u in the photos under "my work") and we hung out for a bit. My special lady friend mentioned that she wanted another tattoo, so we all went through different designs and such. I stood (there's no way I could have sat down) right next to her and she bounced ideas off of me. We were there for about a couple hours after my tattoo was finished.

It was late when we left and the moon was perfect. I seriously had the best night in long time last Sunday. As a foot note, I would highly recommend this guy if you are looking for a tattoo. Not only is he amazing, he's also a really cool person. He's got a great sense of humor, but he has his definite serious moments as well.

Anyway, now that I've probably bored you all to death, I'll leave you be. As usual, I'll post soon when something (or more likely nothing) happens. Take care and don't do anything I wouldn't do...

Courtesy of my sister:

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand, how did you feel about that?" The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No way! What happened next?'"

Preparation for the Big One

There was a 7.4 earthquake that hit Jakarta, Indonesia today. There are no reports of deaths, and, luckily, there was no tsunami. But it got me to thinking about the region that I live in.

Washington State has a couple active volcanos. One, Mount St. Helens, has already erupted, but she's been acting like she wants to do it again. The other, Mt. Rainier, has been dormant for a long time and is overdo for a big blast. The last time it went, the area was considerably less populated. When she erupts again, the area won't be so fortunate.

There has been evidence in the past of a tsunami striking the coast of Washington. While our coast isn't as populated as the interior, it still will mean lost lives and massive amounts of damage.

Gather all that on top of the fact that this region has become a lot more active within the last fifty years. I have lived through two earthquakes already, and I'm only in my twenties. The second one was much larger than the first, and they were only six years apart.

I, for one, am not ready. I will be the first to admit it. As much as I tell myself to prepare, I don't This is for two reasons. Number one is denial. The old head in the sand trick. If I dont think about it, it won't happen. The other is I just have procrastinated on it. There's not a whole lot I can do, so I just put it off.

But still, there's that voice in the back of my head telling me that I should probably get on that. So, for starters, I've decided to put this website on my blog: http://www.govlink.org/3days3ways/ It's all about how to prepare for the big one. The tips on there are pretty useful. Some of them I might even use.

Anyway, now that I'm done scaring the crap out of both you, my fine readers, and myself; I think I will go home and see how my grandparents are doing. Take care of yourself and I will post again soon.

I have a new cellphone

So, as of Tuesday, July 31st, I have a new cellphone. I have been in dire need of one, and decided to just buckle down and pick up a prepaid one. It only cost me $10, due to me using the last of my Best Buy gift card and I have to say that I really like it.

There's a funny thing about it though. When they assigned me a number for it, they gave me a 202 area code. Why, I have no clue. They even asked me which area code I call the most. For those of you not aware, I live on the West Coast and apparently 202 is Washington DC-the East Coast.

Your guess is as good as mine. For the record, I have zero desire to run for political office. But if I were, I could use the slogan "Why not? My cellphone is already here." Nah, still no interest.

So, anyway, that's what's new for me. Well, I did have a dear friend come back into my life last Friday, July 27th. I am seriously happy that she is back in my life. It is definitely one friendship that I will work hard at making sure it stays afloat. She means a lot to me.

Anyway, until next time. Take care of yourselves out there. Bye.

Quick note

I would like to announce that as of last Friday, I am no longer blind. That's right, I got my new glasses and I am enjoying them immensely. There was a bit of a prescription change, which means that I can now see better than ever. Just thought I would pass on the good news.

There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.
-Saint Thomas Aquinas

Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.
-Aristotle

The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.
-Henry David Thoreau


I've decided that today's topic will be friendship. I have been throughly blessed to have my friends. I can immediately think of quite a few people who would instantly go to bat for me; people who have my back, even if it's pushed into a corner.

I heard a saying once that really struck me and I will try to repeat it as best as my memory will allow it. It goes: The true measure of a man is not his wealth of money, but his wealth of friends. I had a similar statement that I had made to a friend lately: "Life is way too short to hold grudges and the more people who cry at your funeral, the better you've lived."

Life changes everything, but if you can keep as many of your original friends, you've kept your greatest treasures. I guess you can equate it like this: Friendship is like wine; aging it only makes it better. There are some friends that I have that have lasted fifteen years or longer. That means that when we became friends and a child was born, that child is now in high school and probably driving. It's not until you stop and put it into perspective that it really blows your mind like that.

I have some friends right now who can practically read my mind. All I have to do is either show up or say "hi" and they know exactly what's going on. They know what emotions I'm experiencing and why I am experiencing them. I swear, I wouldn't be surprised if some of my friends know me better than I know them. I wouldn't be surprised one bit.

But that's the beauty of it all. The fact that we're so close and we've gone through so much together, it makes the friendship that much stronger and more meaningful. I know that when I ask them about something, I am going to get their honest opinion. I know for a fact that they are looking out for me and honestly have my best intentions at heart. I'm not sure where I would be if it weren't for my friends.

Anyway, I'm getting off my soapbox now. In closing, I hope that you will listen to the song "Friends are Friends Forever" by Michael W. Smith. I found that it nails what a close friendship is all about. Take care of yourself out there and I will post again soon.

The Elusive Sandman

As you can tell from the time of this post, sleep is once again evading me. I just finished emailing Jenna, a friend of mine in Tennessee and I realized that even after the long day that I had, I"m not the least bit tired.

Speaking of which, all things considered, I had a very good Friday the 13th. I was very successful in my endeavours and I accomplished much. The day was gorgeous, albeit humid, and I spent much of it outdoors. It even started off with some rain, which this region has been needing. Today was a good day.

Anyway, back on topic. It's not that I don't know the cause of this. It's just that everyone is sick and tired of me talking about it. Which leaves me with no outlet to vent, and thus I internalize it and lose sleep over it. The more I internalize, the less sleep I get.

There is good news, though. I had the best sleep in probably years when I went on my vacation. I focused on my needs and the needs of the munchkin and I slept like the proverbial baby. Not a real baby, who wakes up screaming every couple hours, but the proverbial baby. That, and the mattress I was sleeping on was one of the most comfortable ones I have ever slept on.

Anyway, I better go now. I'm starting to feel drowsy and I want to take full advantage of it. Sleep well, if you can, and take care of yourselves out there.

Oh, how charming

So, here I am, reading Ms. Karen's latest blog, and all of the sudden, the right lens of my glasses fell out and the wire that held them there snapped. Unprovoked. Good times, let me tell you.

Now, of course, it's not like I can run to the nearest grocer and pick up a new pair. These aren't reading glasses, they're prescription lenses so I can see far away. Translation, I'm blind without them. And it's not like you can just pop them back in, I need a new frame. Which, now that I think about it, it's a mixed blessing. Why? Well, lets just say that it's been a while since I've had my prescription checked. And I know for a fact that my eyes have changed since then.

Long story short, I'm temporarily very nearsighted. I'm not sure when my health insurance kicks in (if it hasn't already), but when it does, it's time for some new glasses. Anyway, I'll talk to you later.

Loss of a friend

I found out the other night that a friend of mine from high school passed away on July 1st. He had battled liver disease all his life and he finally succumbed to it. I was, needless to say, shocked when I heard that he had died. I hadn't known that he had suffered from the disease and I had lost touch with him after high school.

I took it hard when I found out the news. I wish that I had gotten to know him better and he was a really good friend while we were in high school. I'm doing better now, but I'm still pretty down. I just thought that I would share the news with you guys.

Take care, you guys. I'll post again soon. Hopefully with better news.

I'm just wishing you guys a happy and fun Fourth of July. Don't do anything I wouldn't do and remember that fingers don't attach back on easily.

I'm back

So I'm back from my badly needed vacation. It was nice to step back, take a breather, and check out this thing called self-preservation. Apparently it's rather vital for peace of mind. Go figure.

Anyway, I had a blast while I was over there in Wisconsin. Yes, I had a good time in a state that is known for cheese and cheese heads. I relaxed (what a concept!), hung out with my sister and her family, and went to a bunch of different places. One of those places just happened to be this massive music festival called Summerfest. We went on Friday and saw Black Stone Cherry, Fuel, and Sum 41. All within the span of about three hours. And the nice thing about the festival is that the only thing you pay for is admission and food and beverage. All the concerts were free. Which is a good thing when you're paying four bucks for a small plastic cup of beer.

All right, I'm done yakking about myself. Now it's time for me to tell you about the munchkin. She is now one and a half and a total ball of energy. She's running and chatting nonstop and all over the place. While I was there, she entered the "why" phase and learned the word "uncle". I read her the same five books over and over again (she has more, she just kept handing me these five), and learned plenty about raising a child.

For instance, just because they tell you "no", more often than not it means yes. Especially when they tell you "no" while they are reaching for whatever it is they want. So you would ask her if she wanted something and she would automatically say "no" and then you would ask if she meant "yes". More often than not, it does mean "yes". Another thing is that the more they fight you when you are getting ready to put them down for a nap or whatever, the more they actually need the rest. I have always heard the phrase "out of the mouth of babes" and I finally got to find out why. Man, she had some real gems. And, of course this goes without saying, but the more disgusting it is, the more they are attracted to it.

Anyway, I just wanted you all to know that I made it there and back safely and that I had a great time. I am definitely more rested and feeling a whole lot better about a lot of things. Take care out there and I will post again soon.

In love with the Green Lady


I love my job. I kid you not. Ever since I transferred to the new location, I have loved every minute of it. I wouldn't quit if you paid me. Well, lets just say it would take a lot of money for me to quit. A lot.

I worked a split shift today. In the morning, I worked at my old store. It was exactly how I remember it. It was as if nothing changed. I was there for only three hours, which went extremely quick, and then I was off for four hours.

The other half of my shift was at the new store-my store. I love it there. I click with everyone and it runs so smoothly. It's actually a pleasure to go to work and I look forward to it each day that I do work.

Anyway, I just thought that I would share that with you guys. No more whining from me. Things are really looking up.

Two weeks, baby!

That's right, in two weeks I will be in Wisconsin enjoying a badly needed vacation. It has been two years in the making and it's finally happening. For one glorious week I will leave my cares and worries behind and just relax.

Which leaves me to my other point. This vacation is completely unplugged-which means that I am leaving my laptop at home and I will do my best to avoid computers at all costs. I need total rest and relaxation and I need to unplug from my life for the week that I will be gone. Not just for my physical well-being, but also my mental, psycological, and emotional wellbeing as well. I need to let go and just let things be and to lose control and enjoy life once more. As anyone who's read this blog knows, I desperately need to unwind.

It's not just a vacation from my job, it's a vacation from my life. Two weeks, baby, two weeks. I can't wait.

Headaches and weight loss

So I weighed myself last night out of pure curiosity and found out that since I started at Starbucks, I have lost ten pounds. I kid you not. I guess there is a bonus to stress after all. Not the best way to go about it, but whatever works, right? I'm actually quite proud of myself for loosing the weight. It's not that I've ever been big or even struggled with my weight, but before starting at Starbucks, I was feeling very out of shape. This is no longer the case, believe you me. One thing that I did not expect about this job is how physical it is on a daily basis.

That was my rave, now here's my rant. Lately I have been getting some random headaches. It's not just at work, either. They will just come on, annoy me for a few minutes, and then go away. Since it has been crazy hot lately and I admittedly I haven't been consuming enough water, it's probably just dehydration. Why I'm bringing it up, I don't know, other than it's a bit of a nuisance at times. They aren't even bad headaches, just odd timing ones.

Something else (and it might also attribute to the headaches) I have been doing lately that I don't like doing is clenching my teeth. I will catch myself doing it and then relax my jaw, only to catch myself doing it a short time later. This I know is stress related and it is definitely something that I don't want to make into a habit. So if any of you out there know how fix this, I'm all ears.

Other than that, I'm in tip, top, shape. I have been doing a lot of yard work these past few days and I have noticed how much more in shape I am. It feels good to be so active and I have been lucky enough to have been so lately. I noticed, just now, that I am developing a sunburn on my shoulders from all the mowing and such. Not complaining, just noticing. My previous sunburn has developed into a nice tan (which is rare for me to have).

Not much else is new with me. I am in the middle of a long stretch of work (eleven days straight) and I will be glad when that is over with. I will be transferring to another location soon and I am looking forward to it. This new location (literally!) is further north than the one I am at now and quite a bit more distance. Regardless of that, I have high hopes for this new adventure that I am about to embark on.

Anyway, I need to get to bed. I have an early day tomorrow-actually today; and I need to get my rest. I will post again soon.

Movie mania!



As it is summer, I have begun to watch movies again. Lots of movies. So this post will be a quick run down on all that I have seen recently (both in the theater and on DVD).



Spider-Man 3: Three and a half to four stars. By far the best of the three Spider-Man films. It has something for not only the die hard Spider-Man and comic book fans, but also those who aren't into them at all. Definitely a two thumbs up movie.



Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End: Four and a half stars. Wow, see this movie. If you see nothing else this summer, or even this year, see this movie. It seriously is that good. Do be warned though, if you haven't seen the second one (and I know people who still haven't yet), you need to see it before seeing this film. And for those of you who have seen the second but not the third, this one is by far the best out of the three.



300: Four stars. Yeah, I know, it's been out for quite a while and I saw it quite a while ago, but it's been a while since I've done any movie reviews on here. Yeah, all the rave is true and none of the gore is gratuitous (think Braveheart).



Night at the Museum: Three and a half stars. It was definitely funny and I really liked Robin Williams as Teddy Roosevelt.



My Date with Drew: Four and a half stars. Yeah, yeah, I can't shut up about this movie; so you might as well watch it to see why I can't stop talking about it.


The Nativity Story: Four stars. One thing that sets a movie above others in my book is how well they are shot. If the movie itself is beautiful, it will be a pleasure to watch. Some examples are Collateral, Panic Room, and American Beauty. These films, in and of themselves, are like paintings on a wall. A feast for the eyes. The Nativity Story would be another that I would hang in an art gallery. Sure, there's some things that I could nitpick and the pace is rather slow, but I highly recommend it; for it is a feast for the eyes.

Anywho, that's it for me now. If you see any movies that you think I will enjoy, feel free to drop me a comment. I will be sure to check it out. Until next time, take care.

Muggy

So, lately, it has been crazy humid here. And humidity has a way of short circuiting my brain. Not only is my memory effected by it, but it also has crreated problems thinking clearly. So fair warning if this post doesn't make a lot of sense.

So yeah, it has made things interesting. It takes me longer to think of the answer and my short term memory is even more short term. Good times, let me tell you. Ice water and a nice cool breeze help, but I need copious amounts of both to reverse the "damage" of the sticky weather. Oh, you know, some rain would help too.

Anyway, other than that, all is good. I'm actually enjoying my job now that everything is straightened out. Not much is new, but if something comes up, I will let you all know. Oh, yeah, one last thing. Exactly a month form today I will be going on vacation. It has been a long time coming, let me tell you.

Crisis Averted

So, I have some good news to report. I am staying at Starbucks. I talked to my manager today and everything got straightened out. She said that I'm doing an excellent job and that she's highly impressed with my customer service skills. She mentioned that there is still some operational stuff that I need to improve on (which isn't surprising considering the fact that I'm new); but other than that, she was greatly impressed with how well I am doing.
What a difference a day makes, let me tell you. I have to admit, I was feeling disappointed at wanting to leave my job so soon. But now that that is over with, I don't have to worry about it.


That's about it for news-other than that I have a mild sunburn and my food handler's permit. I am very excited about my life right now and it feels like it is going in a good direction.Take care out there and I will post again later.

Burned

So those who know me would definitely describe me as white. Another adjective that might be used would be pasty. Not anymore. That's right, yours truly now has a very red face and it's not because he's embarrassed. Couple that with my lower arms and a tender neck and you have one crispy dude.

This all stemmed from several factors. Number one is that I have been putting off getting my food handler's permit and decided that today was the day. Second, we have had the most amazing weather lately (85 today) and I spent most of my day out in it. The reason is that I happened to have gotten rather lost looking for the place to take the test. And after I had taken the test (which I passed with flying colors), I spent some more time outdoors.

Speaking of the permit, I have decided to put off quitting until I not only have another job lined up, but have started it as well. I've done this before, so I don't forsee any problems. It doesn't mean that I won't have any problems; I just don't forsee any.

Anyway, that's all that's new with me. Take care, you guys, and I will post again soon.

Couple bits of big news:

First off, at this point right now, I'm quitting Starbucks. Today I suffered some public humiliation and I am sick and tired of not being able to trust anyone and being treated inferior. I've had it and I'm not going to take it anymore.

Second, someone I know is finally getting out of a destructive relationship. Her insignificant other treated her especially bad and even said to her (and I quote) "I know I'm being shallow, but if you lost some weight, I would be attracted to you." Yeah, to know this guy, or really just to encounter him, is to hate him. I think even the word loathsome is too good for this guy, but it's the closest I can think of. By the way, apparently, that was just the tip of the iceberg of what he said to her.

Anyway, that's about it for big news. If you think about it, both were kind of something I should have seen coming, but was blindsided by them. The first one was a total body blow that I hadn't been prepared for and the second was something that was a long time coming, but was still a huge surprise.

Letting go

The hardest part of life is living it. When you wake up each morning, you are committed to living that day. Even if you go back to sleep, you are still going to have to wake up. Hiding isn't an option and it shouldn't be. This is your life and it's completely up to you how you live it.

Let me back up here. Tonight I was browsing around on the web, waiting for the first tendrils of sleep to tempt me into going to bed. I happen to be on U2's website because it's one of my favorite bands and I was looking for an unrelated lyric. What I spotted was the song "Sometimes you can't make it on your own" from the album "How to dismantle an atomic bomb" (a CD I want). This album came out a year after my dad died and this song, for some pretty obvious reasons, made me bawl each time I heard it. Not cry, bawl. It still makes me weep and it's one of the very few songs out there that have this effect on me.

I had a flashback last month (while I was in the middle of instant messaging a dear and close friend of mine no less) and the tears instantly were flooding down my face. The flashback was not from his death or even something from his final years, but it was him sitting on the couch laughing. I actually had to end the conversation because of how deeply and suddenly I was upset.

If you have ever lost someone close to you, especially a parent, the pain never goes away. You will have this on your heart for the rest of your life. It's up to you to either let it control your life or to let your life control the pain. The good news (trust me) for me is that I took the death completely personal and have since decided to not only live my life; but to treat each day as if it were my last. Let me tell you that there is a certain liberation when you know how close death really is. You stop caring about when you're going to die and start caring more about how you're going to live.

This is it folks. This is your life. Everyday is a new adventure and each life is worth living. This is how I have been living my life for the past couple of years (yes he died in '03, but '04 was total hell for me). I'm seizing opportunities that are presented to me because I might not be alive for the next one. Do I want to live a long and full life. Yes. Who doesn't? But is there any guarantee that I'm going to have the chance to? No. I've discovered how much this side of eternity is not certain.

Have I made mistakes since then. Definitely; and some whoppers at that. But that's the beautiful thing about each day. It gives you a chance to right the wrongs you made the day before. If you live your life like today's your last day, you will have truly lived. Regrets are still going to happen, no matter what. Mistakes will still be made. We are but human and humans are known to screw up from time to time. But tomorrow is still another day and with each sunrise comes a myriad of possibilities.

In closing, I have three recommendations for you. The first is a book: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I've read it before, but this time I'm actually following it and that makes a big difference. The second recommendation is a CD: The Beautiful Letdown by Switchfoot. By far, so far, their best CD and it also has helped me move on and live life. The third and final recommendation is a movie: My Date with Drew. I love this movie and after you watch it, you will understand not only why I am telling everyone about it; but also why it's never too late to fulfill a dream.

Take care everybody and I will talk to you all later
Cheers,
Jeremy

In this moment, I am happy. VERY happy.

It's amazing how good you feel when you get stuff that you had pent up off your chest. There is such a release in getting things off your chest and out in the open. Especially when you are telling these things to someone you care deeply about.

I've decided that from now on, it would be a lot healthier for me to, instead of keeping things inside and dwelling on them, to just say what I mean and pray for the best. Words that are left unsaid can be the ones that hurt the most of all. Even if you didn't say them for the best intentions.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about those people who are always saying "you missed a spot" or "you really blew it and that sucks". What I'm saying is that I am going to start saying things that I mean to say, but for some unknown reason, don't. I have been lucky enough to know only one person who is like the example I have given. Unfortunately, he is married to my mother, which is the sole reason why I avoid talking to her. It's a sad that I have to do it, but every time that I call her, she insists on putting him on the phone; to which a fight almost immediately breaks out. I hate him and it takes a lot to get me to hate someone.

But I digress. I realize that much of the stress that I have been experiencing has been because instead of speaking my mind like normal people do, I hold back until I wind up saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Or even just the right thing at the wrong time. I need to work on my timing like you wouldn't believe. Ask anybody.

I guess this is the reason why I have this blog. I have been nothing but honest on here and there are times when it's the only time I can get something off my chest. I will continue to do so, but I will also try to do it more in the real world as well.

All right, I'm done. My mind is once again clear and I am definitely at peace. It's been a gorgeous day today and I would even say that it got into the mid 70s. I mowed the front yard, which means that you might get another blog soon about my back. I feel it twitching already and I have already started to stretch it so I won't be in as much pain later.

Today was a very good day.

A limo in Hell

I'm not going to lie to you here-there are days where I absolutely hate, loathe and despise my new job. Today was definitely one of those days. We were slammed all day and I could do no right. Everything I did seemed to get on the nerves of all my coworkers and I the only time I was even remotely happy was when I was talking with customers in the drive thru.

It was while I was on drive thru that a limo pulled up in the parking lot and just sat there for, I kid you not, 20 minutes. That's it, just sat there. The driver left the car a couple times to smoke and then, just as mysteriously, it left. It was the strangest thing.

Anyway, yeah, about my job. I'm not denying it doesn't have it's perks, but it isn't worth it on some days. Most days, actually. It has it's good days and really, really bad days. Such as today. I'm sick of everyone giving me that condesending look; that you should know better, but you're the new guy look. That, do we really have to put up with him look. And I'm even more sick and tired of walking into conversations that I know are about me. One thing I hate about my job is that people are constantly talking about me behind my back. I'm not being paranoid, because I have caught people on quite a few occasions. I do not enjoy working at a place where I can't trust anybody.

All right, now that that's off my chest, I feel better now. I'm sure, in the distant future, I will enjoy working at Starbucks. That all I have to do is grin and bear it and it will get better. And right now, that's all I have to go on.

Second chances and lessons learned

One thing that I have been dealing with a lot in my job is failing at something. Screwing up is a big part of the learning process and I am doing a lot of it.

Last night, because I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing, I knocked off a shot glass and it broke. While I was assured by several coworkers that it's a common occurrence, I still felt really bad; as it was the first (and hopefully last) thing that I have broken. I have also botched drinks and gotten orders screwed up and countless times I've just been in the way. But with each mistake I make, it's one more lesson that I've learned.

I've discovered that all it really takes is for me to screw up big time just once before the lesson is completely learned and I don't make the same mistake twice. If I fall really hard, I pick myself up and make sure that I don't do it again. This applies not only to my new job, but also to life in general. If I blow it big time, I won't ever do it again. All it takes is once. With each failure is one more step to succeeding.

Some mistakes I have made are huge. I am but a human and my flaws are great. I've said things that I didn't mean and meant to say things and didn't. With my words I have started fights and with my silence I have hurt others. I don't always think about what I'm doing when I'm doing it and when that happens I usually blow it. And I blame no one else but myself. When I fail, I own up to it.

This is also why I am a big believer in giving as many second chances as possible. I forgive easily and I forget even easier. I feel like every one should be allowed to speak their peace, no matter how harsh the words might be. It's often the words that aren't spoken that mean more than the words that do. While you may have lost my trust once, it doesn't mean that you've lost it forever. Anger subsides to regret, and regret brings about the possibility for forgiveness. Anger doesn't last forever, so why should grudges and hard feelings? We all have needed a second chance at least once in our lives, so why not give second chances?

Trust is very important to me. There have been people in the past who have done something to, at the time, I felt like I could never trust them again. It wasn't until I gave them the second chance that they deserved did they earn my trust back. I have lost friends and regained them on more than one occasion. This is the other reason why I am a big believer in second chances. I would have a lot less friends if I never gave anyone a second chance and even less if they never gave me one. Failure is part of learning.

Time is the biggest healer of them all, I have found. With time and some space, a lot can be accomplished. From past experiences, I have found that time often softens blows that really hurt when you received them. I am more likely to forgive someone if I've had time to sleep on it.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. I will let you enjoy the rest of your day. But I hope and pray that you take my words to heart. Second chances are worth more than gold to me and time more than all the riches in the world. Because after you're dead and gone, all the fights and arguments mean nothing in the end. Only the hurt and loss remains.

Can't sleep

As you can tell by the time that I'm posting this, my insomnia is back in full force. I can't shut my mind off, no matter how hard I try. With the massive stress of a new job, I just can't unwind at night. My mind keeps going over past mistakes, both job related and otherwise. I hate it when this happens.

The last time this happened was last summer. I had just started college and work was being, how should I say, difficult. I had also just found out (which I think was what triggered it in the first place) that someone I had loved dearly had gotten married. Obviously not to me. It went on for literally months until my life (and job) started to calm down and an old friend from high school came back into my life.

What was the trigger this time? New job. At least, that's my best guess. Oh sure, I have some other massive stress related issues; but for me to suddenly start to loose sleep, it's got to be the new job. Then again, it might be something else altogether.

I know what I said earlier, about how much I love it there at Starbucks. What I don't believe I mentioned was how everything is on the go. From the time you start on to the time you clock out, you are constantly moving. On top of it all, I have caught several coworkers talking about me behind my back. I know I'm the new guy, but could you at least wait until I'm not there to talk about me.

So I have the big pressure of learning everything and failing miserably on somethings hanging over my head; on top of home issues that I'm not going to get into; and on top of it all, the one person who I would love to tell about all this, the very person who I used to be able to tell anything to and talk for hours about everthing and anything, I no longer can. I miss this person deeply and there seems to be nothing I can do to bring this person back.

Thus, I go without sleep-again. I get to have my nerves frayed-again. I am going out of my mind and there is nothing I can do about it.

Starbucks

So as of three days ago, I started working at Starbucks. I must say, I enjoy it immensely, esecially because I'm once again working my butt off. The shifts feel long, but they are also over before you realize it. And you would not believe how much there is to learn about coffee. It's crazy. Expect a lot of late night postings from now on, because that's now the only free time that I have.

Other than that, there's not a whole lot going on with me. My back is once again feeling better-tired, but better. No more spasms, which is always a good thing. It's still pretty much the same ol', same ol'. Now that I'm working there, I have zero free time. I'm not complaining, mind you, just noting.

Anywho, that's it for now. If anything good or dramatic happens I will let you guys know. Stay safe out there. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

I hate my back!

So last Thursday, I spent all day helping out my grandfather by doing some much needed yard work. This included weed wacking, sawing up a fallen tree limb, and (what probably caused all of this) picking up two sections of his fence that had fallen in the storm last winter and moving them to a better location. While it was a good work out for the rest of my body, my back didn't appreciate it. At all.

I woke up Friday morning to a not so little sensation I like to call back spasms. Plural. I have had them ever since. And when my back is not spasming, it still hurts. I spent the weekend with a couple friends getting some much needed rest. It helped a little, but low and behold, the pain is back. I've tried stretching and heat and lots of pain medication. It all helps, but the pain and the spasms come back.

I am not a happy camper.

What do Seattle, Chicago, and Boston have in common? All three cities have a baseball team with die hard loyal fans despite their teams records. I, myself, am a Mariners fan and it looks like they might actually stand a chance this year. (Don't' worry, I just knocked on some wood.)

The game tonight, for example had a really bad start. Felix Hernandez, the brilliant starter who the other day pitched the entire game and gave up one hit, gave up a few runs in the first inning before taking himself out of the game. It turns out that he had some tightness in his pitching elbow, which was quite evident. The team was kind of in a slump for most of the game and then almost pulled it out in the seventh inning. For the rest of the game it was intense as to whether or not they would be able to pull it out of the bag. It was close, but they still lost. By the way, they were playing the Minnesota Twins, who basically gave the Mariners a spanking the night before. They almost pulled it through. Almost.

So there you have it. I consider myself a die hard Mariners fan. Say what you will about them, but they have the heart, as well as the skill.

Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. -Benjamin Franklin

So I hate the tax season. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind getting money back from the government every year. But, come on now, are they trying to make it is as confusing as possible? I swear, every year, it seems to get more and more puzzling and nonsensical.

Have you looked at the tax booklet this year? I'm looking at it right now and I'm getting the headache back. All I'm even doing is looking at it and already all the tension is back. There's at least five major forms that you have to fill out, and if you don't know which one that you are supposed to fill out, there is even more confusion. I spent most of last week trying to hunt down a missing W-2 and then trying to figure out which form I have to fill out now that I am a college student with college loans. Oy vey!

Can't there be an easier way? It's all I'm asking.

Love is a many splendid (and frightening) thing

I have been trying to mentally equate what it is like to be in love. I haven't had much success at it (equating), so the best I could come up with is it's a lot like skydiving when you are afraid of heights. All the way up in the plane, your stomach is in your throat, your hands are sweating buckets, and your heart is beating Mach 10. You can't think of anything else, no matter how much you try. And once the plane reaches the right altitude and the door opens, everything you are experiencing is increased tenfold. And yet you still take the plunge.

On the way, you experience turbulence. Lots of turbulence. Everyone tells you that this is normal and all you have to do is just ride it out. You're going to be just fine. This doesn't decrease the turbulence any less, but it does help you get through it. And once you hit a truly smooth patch, you're on top of the world. You're flying without wings. The view is breathtaking and you want to hold onto that moment forever. And then you get more turbulence and you have to remind yourself to just ride it out and that everything will just be okay.

There is also the matter of trust. You are putting all of your faith and trust in that once you pull the cord, the chute will open. Sure, you've heard stories of failed chutes and ripped out cords. But you're already in the air, so you push out all the doubts that are in your head and trust in that cord and in that chute. The last thing you want to do is to lose that trust. Trust me.

So there you have it. That's the best I could come up with. It's the scariest thing that you will experience, the risk is astronomical, but it is all completely worth it. For the view is amazing and the ride is a total rush. Just don't lose the trust of the chute. Your life does depend on it.

Easter Poem
By Pastor John Berggren

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said,
“Child, you must trust Me and wait.”

“Wait? You say, wait!” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened?
Or have you not heard?
By Faith, I have asked,
And am claiming your Word.”

My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance
And YOU tell me to WAIT?
I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.
And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive
And Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate.
As my Master replied once again,
“You must trust me and wait.”

So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, “So I’m waiting…for what?”

He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said,
“I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give,
And pleased you would be.
You would have what you want-but you wouldn’t know Me.

You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You’d not know the power that I give to the faith;
You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me.
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
You’d never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You’d know that I give and I save…(for a start),

By you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that “My grace is sufficient to you.”
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I’m doing in you!
So, be silent, My Child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft’ may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still,
“TRUST ME AND WAIT!”

I guess it's kind of fitting the fact that I'm posting a blog on life on Good Friday. I've been thinking about the subject a lot lately. Life can be very confusing at times, and this is definitely one of those times. It's not a roller coaster for me at the moment, but it is more of a struggle.

This probably is making zero sense at the moment and I don't blame you. I haven't been thinking too clearly lately (ask anyone) and I'm not sure if that will change in the near future. I have a full plate and daily it seems to gather more onto it. Life is becoming an overabundance of confusion-both good and bad. I literally wonder each morning when I wake up whether or not if it is going to be a good day or not.

I assure you that the only drug I am taking is caffeine and even that I'm not having as much as I usually do. No, the thing that is driving my life nuts is, well, life. Each day has the greatest potential to be the best day I've lived on this planet and very much the opposite as well. I am very much in love with someone who isn't too fond of my existence. Unrequited love is, I guess, the best way to describe it. And it's making my life a living yo-yo. Which is why I am so turbulent at the moment. Not hostile, mind you, just turbulent.

Anyway, back on the subject of life, I have come to the realization that it all boils down to how you treat your fellow human being. Those who live their life always on the attack are wasting what precious time they have here; and those who spend it showing kindness are spending it wisely. This actually is in reference to a relationship that is not my own, but someone close to me who will go unnamed.

Those who live their life with an eternal chip on their shoulder will never do anything about it because that would require changing who they are. These kind of people are generally easy to spot because they are always trying to pick fights with everyone around them. If you are fortunate, you are able to just avoid them and move on with your life. If you are truly unfortunate, you wind up marrying this person only to realize what kind of a person they really are. Again, I am not naming names.

There honestly is nothing wrong with serving your fellow human being. We are all of the same species, so why not make life easier for one another while we are here. In fact, I find that it is those who spend their lives competely selfless to be the ones who are living it the most. I'm not saying you shouldn't take care of your own needs, I'm just saying that it is always better to live life for someone other than yourself. If more people did just one total random act of kindness, every single day that they live, they will have no regrets when they die.

Anyway, so there you have it. You can either take it or leave it. It's entirely up to you. I hope you guys all have a good Easter and I hope to post again real soon.

Update on my life.

Things have changed since my last post. So much that I'm not even sure where to start. I guess that I should start with the good news. That way if you don't want to hear the bad news, you don't have to wade through it to hear the good news.

First part of the good news. Right after my last post, I got home and discovered that my laptop charger had arrived in the mail and it was for a very paltry sum. Very. The second part of the good news is that I got a job. It's not the bank like I was hoping, but a nearby Starbucks. And not only that, but I will be getting a second interview next week to find out if I will be starting out at an entry level management position.

All right, time for the bad news. A week ago, tomorrow, I was out about about with someone very special to me. She had just gotten back from Mexico on vacation and I was looking forward to spending all day with her. The problem was that I was suffering from some food poisoning. This caused me to, well to be blunt, vomit. First in my own drive way and then in her car. She threw me to the curb and I have yet to hear from her since.

Good riddance, most will and have said. I deserve better than someone who is going to love me and then literally just leave me when I'm down. It just so happens, though, that I am very much in love with her. Still.

We have grown very close over the past few months. We talked repeatedly about how many children would be enough, what kind of wedding that she would like, very serious topics like that. We spent numerous days during the week together and even had a dedicated movie night. I felt closer to her than anyone else. I still do.

Now one would ask why someone would do this to someone else when they had grown so close. This is where I mention the fact that she is not exactly over her ex-boyfriend of five years. He moved on, she did not. Because if she truly had moved on, she would not have done this to me.

Why I am even posting this is that I need to get it all off my chest. I have talked with only relatives about this and I feel that I need to tell a wider audience. If she reads this, which would greatly surprise me because she seems to want nothing to do with me, I hope and literally pray that she will realize what she has done and come back to me.

I know I deserve better. I don't want better. I want her back and I want her back for good.

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Well, sort of. I know it's tomorrow, but I'm not sure if I will be online then, so I decided to do it a day early. Let's see what's happened since I last blogged.

First off, the power charger on my laptop decided to melt down. Literally. I have since been looking for a new one that isn't going to cost me an arm and a leg. That was a while ago. Since then, getting online has been a hassle, to say the least. Which is why it's been a while since I've posted.

Second, I am in the middle of a career change. I am fed up with retail and have since applied and been interviewed (twice!) for a local bank. Much better hours, much better pay. The thing is is that I don't find out for another seven to ten days. Good times, let me tell you.

Third, I will be getting a car. I would say that I'm getting a new car, but since it was built in the early seventies, it's not so much new. This car used to be my Dad's and I found out from my mother that she is willing to give it to me soon. When she didn't say, just soon. This car is very important to me due to all the memories that are tied with it. It used to be, when I was still in school, that summer didn't start until I washed it for the first time. And now it's mine.

There is something else that is both new and good in my life, but I cannot divulge it at this time. Those who are aware of the situation both know what I'm talking about and why I can't announce it as of yet. But stay posted for when I can.

Anyway, I hope you stay well out there. Have a good weekend.

Cheery bunch, aren't they. Here's an excerpt from the AOL article I got it from:

Astronomers are monitoring an asteroid named Apophis, which has a 1 in 45,000 chance of striking Earth on April 13, 2036.
Although the odds of an impact by this particular asteroid are low, a recent congressional mandate for NASA to upgrade its tracking of near-Earth asteroids is expected to uncover hundreds, if not thousands of threatening space rocks in the near future, former astronaut Rusty Schweickart said.
"It's not just Apophis we're looking at. Every country is at risk. We need a set of general principles to deal with this issue," Schweickart, a member of the Apollo 9 crew that orbited the earth in March 1969, told an American Association for the Advancement of Science conference in San Francisco.
Full article:http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/un-urged-to-take-on-asteroid-threat/20070218175909990002?ncid=NWS00010000000001

So you got that? First off, 1 in 45,000 are actually really good odds. Better than winning the lotto. Better than being struck by lightning. Probably better than being in a plane crash. Second, it's not like it's the first time. Both Earth and our Moon are littered with craters from past collisions with space rock.

Who should take care of the problem? Good question. The article suggests that the UN should take care of it, but I'm not so sure they have the capability to do it. A joint project between the US, Russia, and China would be much more preferable and probably more successful. Anyway you look at it, someone's got to do something about it. Otherwise your just inviting disaster.

Anyway, not to be all pessimistic, but this is a dire risk that we can't just ignore. And the fact that it is so imminent is even more reason not to ignore this. Because even if this one misses us, it doesn't mean the next one won't.

When you were young...

...there were no limitations. The sky wasn't the limit because there was no limit as to what you could achieve or who you could be. So what happened? Why is it that now we are adults, suddenly there's goals we can't achieve and walls we cannot overcome? What happened between then and now? Is reality so harsh that we are stuck to just one track in life? Or has the loss of youth meant the loss of dreams?
This is it. You're only go around on the carousel that is life. You have your ups, you have your downs. Either way, you move on to the next stage in life. And for the most part, blindly going from one place to the next with no true ambition to actually live life to the fullest.
So I ask all of you out there this question: Is there any way we can once again embrace that part of us that believed anything was possible that we seemed to have lost after puberty? And if so, why aren't we?

Isolation
Friday February 2, 2007 10:38PM

From a simple twist from Fate
I find myself alone
Accompanied only by my thoughts
Left to visit the myriad of regrets
That haunt my sleep and poison my dreams
I am alone

Shipwrecked on the deserted island that is Life
With no help on the horizon
If I were to send smoke signals
It would only clutter up the sky
For no one is looking
My plight is but my own

Alas, but no man is an island
We as a race are a whole
So why is it I am lost in a sea of individuals?
Surrounded by the people who do not see me
And once again, I find myself
Alone.

Are you who you want to be? Is this where you envisioned yourself to be at your age? Have you superceded your own expectations, or are you waiting for life to truly begin? I have asked myself these questions lately in an attempt to evaluate my life. So far, twenty-six seems to be the age of reflection and redirection. No more blind hopes for tomorrow and making plans and not following through with them. That seems to be a real problem for me- to plot something out and then not act upon it. Not sure why I do it either.

No more am I going to stop myself from succeeding, I have thus concluded. I don't need to be my own worst enemy. Why wait for life to begin when you are not living the one that you already have. That is my true goal for this year and for all the ones that follow it. I'm not going to have a better paying job if I don't apply for one. I'm not going to see the world if I don't get on that plane. I'm not going to be published if I don't write that book.

Am I saying that it's not going to be hard work? Of course it's hard work. So much of my life has been about helping others that I haven't truly forced myself to live the life that I want to. I'm sick and tired of setting goals for myself and then not following through with them. No more. But of course, easier said than done. Every journey begins with a single step. It's time for me to put one foot in front of the other.

What started this sudden change of thought, you may ask. I have to say that it has to do with seeing friends of my getting married and starting a family. People I used to joke around with are settling down and getting serious with life. It's my turn. The way I feel is that we have but one go around on this planet and I feel like I'm just collecting dust. I'm not going to be the guy at the ten year reunion who was the same person he was when he graduated. And thirty is just around the corner.

Anyway, I just had to get that off my chest. I hope you guys have a good day. Take care.

Old fart

By the time you read this, I will have turned 26. And let me tell you, it's not pretty this side of 25. My thirties are fast approaching and even before that, I have my first high school reunion to look forward to. I (obviously) still have time before both events and in that time I am (still) planning on not only writing, but publishing my first book. I just wish I knew what it was about.

You see, the delema I currently have is that I have, oh, thirty great starts and that's about it. When it comes to commit in the writing department, I'm what you call lacking. So what I will probably wind up doing is writing a book of short stories. Those seem to be popular right now. Or I could do a poetry one, but I don't have enough poetry. I know, details, details.

Anyway, I just thought I would pass that onto you, my Dear Readers. Feel free to comment if you wish. Just remember what Thumper said.

2007

I have high hopes for this year. It's just begun and it already feels different, in a good sort of way. I've already made out my New Year's Resolutions and this year I actually plan on keeping them. What a concept!
Anyway, one of those is to travel more. Over the last two years, I haven't had much, if any, opportunity to travel and I dearly miss it. I'm one of those people who loves to fly and I already have a couple flights picked out. I need to stretch out my legs and see the country. I need some down time and it's about time to have some.
Another one of my resolutions is to write everyday. So far I have yet to fail, and I consider this post to be my day's ration of writing. It just seems like I don't have as much time to do it as I used to. And when I do have time, my well of creativity is dry. Anyway, enough griping.
I will try and post more this year. Of course I say that every year, but whatever. To my dear and faithful readers, thank you for sticking with me. And to those who are new, welcome.
So may 2007 be a good year and may all of your endevours be successful ones.