Letting go

The hardest part of life is living it. When you wake up each morning, you are committed to living that day. Even if you go back to sleep, you are still going to have to wake up. Hiding isn't an option and it shouldn't be. This is your life and it's completely up to you how you live it.

Let me back up here. Tonight I was browsing around on the web, waiting for the first tendrils of sleep to tempt me into going to bed. I happen to be on U2's website because it's one of my favorite bands and I was looking for an unrelated lyric. What I spotted was the song "Sometimes you can't make it on your own" from the album "How to dismantle an atomic bomb" (a CD I want). This album came out a year after my dad died and this song, for some pretty obvious reasons, made me bawl each time I heard it. Not cry, bawl. It still makes me weep and it's one of the very few songs out there that have this effect on me.

I had a flashback last month (while I was in the middle of instant messaging a dear and close friend of mine no less) and the tears instantly were flooding down my face. The flashback was not from his death or even something from his final years, but it was him sitting on the couch laughing. I actually had to end the conversation because of how deeply and suddenly I was upset.

If you have ever lost someone close to you, especially a parent, the pain never goes away. You will have this on your heart for the rest of your life. It's up to you to either let it control your life or to let your life control the pain. The good news (trust me) for me is that I took the death completely personal and have since decided to not only live my life; but to treat each day as if it were my last. Let me tell you that there is a certain liberation when you know how close death really is. You stop caring about when you're going to die and start caring more about how you're going to live.

This is it folks. This is your life. Everyday is a new adventure and each life is worth living. This is how I have been living my life for the past couple of years (yes he died in '03, but '04 was total hell for me). I'm seizing opportunities that are presented to me because I might not be alive for the next one. Do I want to live a long and full life. Yes. Who doesn't? But is there any guarantee that I'm going to have the chance to? No. I've discovered how much this side of eternity is not certain.

Have I made mistakes since then. Definitely; and some whoppers at that. But that's the beautiful thing about each day. It gives you a chance to right the wrongs you made the day before. If you live your life like today's your last day, you will have truly lived. Regrets are still going to happen, no matter what. Mistakes will still be made. We are but human and humans are known to screw up from time to time. But tomorrow is still another day and with each sunrise comes a myriad of possibilities.

In closing, I have three recommendations for you. The first is a book: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I've read it before, but this time I'm actually following it and that makes a big difference. The second recommendation is a CD: The Beautiful Letdown by Switchfoot. By far, so far, their best CD and it also has helped me move on and live life. The third and final recommendation is a movie: My Date with Drew. I love this movie and after you watch it, you will understand not only why I am telling everyone about it; but also why it's never too late to fulfill a dream.

Take care everybody and I will talk to you all later
Cheers,
Jeremy